Living a life is like learning how to drive. You've got to have confidence to move forward and watch what's right in front of you. You can't constantly look behind nor think about what would lie ten miles ahead.
(Devy, who had just crashed her car onto a pick up)
I was trying to sleep. On my bed, eyes closed, ready for slumber to take me in. But..., it didn't. And while I was figuring out why the hell I couldn't sleep (just then I remember I should've not had coffee in the evening), something just came up.
It's always been like that, some thoughts usually just come popping in my head at most unexpected time. Anyway, I was thinking about thing they call 'mistake'.
In making decision, especially important ones, we usually think so hard about it. When it doesn't feel right we think and think and think again until it does. And if it still doesn't, we just pick one, close our eyes and hope it's the right thing to do. If I should pick between off-white ballet shoes and those back-on-trend oxford pumps, that would be hard. The ballet shoes certainly more useful for I can wear it daily and I'd been wanting those since first time I saw them on Elle. While the pumps... I don't do clubbing and if I wear those shoes on special occasion like wedding reception I will be taller than like 3/4 of entire guests. But those oxfords was super-gorgeous, I think I was going to faint when I first saw it. This was when common sense and lust battling against each other.
I already think over and over and over... and still haven't decide if 'think too much' is ever exist. I think the right words are more like 'worry too much'. I mean, even Einstein say 'learn from yesterday, hope for tomorrow, and live for today'. I'm certain Einstein did that thinking thing more frequently than the rest of us. So I don't see there's connection between 'think too much' and not be able to live for now. But it's normal that when we're about to make decision, we're being haunt by fear 'what if what I was going to do was a mistake after all?'.
Well, in the case of shopping, either shoes I bought, there's possibility that I would've regret it later. Sebastian in Little Mermaid once said (or sang) 'the seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake'. It's not only talking about what you have and what other has. But also, talking about your real life and your what-if life. It's the basic character of every people, I guess, never being content of what we already have. When we're living this life, and at some point it didn't turn out okay, we would wonder what if that day we chose the other side of the road.
But accident just happens either on the right or the left side. Even when we drive safe, so be sure to put on your seatbelt. Then again, if it's already the time, you would still die even when you're wearing it.
I think mistake is not a mistake if we succeed to learn from it, so we won't make the same mistake twice. I learned that, hard way. It might sound cliche, but the storm does leave me stronger. So whichever path you choose, accept it. If it's right, cherish it. If it's wrong, learn from it. In the end, I'm sure we're all going to be just fine.
I was blog-walking on my friends' when I saw this quote in Adri's: "Money: if you can use, it's your slave; if you can't, it's your master." (from Old Roman proverb at a tablet found in Verona). My Mom definitely should read this when she complains about my shoppings.
Yeah..., I know it sounds like an elementary student's essay. But really, I just realized how full of energy my mom is. I mean, she's a working mother. She's home by six, then does her prayer, then cooks for diner (her spoiled children never eat the same meal twice a day), then takes her shower, then prepares my dad's diner (her spoiled husband doesn't eat her children's favorite meal), then does whatever-it-is with her take home work. Then in the morning, she's still the one who gets up first. Then wakes the rest household up. How she can manage to do it all still amazes me.
I've been wondering for days of why Chuck Bass was like... so hard-headed in admitting his feelings toward Blair Waldorf. I mean, I know that he never felt love toward anyone and that she was his first love. *jeez..., I can't believe I wrote something so cliche* But I still didn't get it, why? Wasn't he supposed to feel grateful for finding such thing as to love and be loved?
Then this morning, something came into my mind. Anonymous quotation said: why is the one who can stop you from crying, is the one that is making you cry? Then I think, based on experience, the closer someone is to your heart, the easier can they break you down. Like once, when I was younger, my mother was like... freaking out on me. Then I would've hid in the closet and cried. Eventually I came out, because it's like... dark and and hard to breath in there. But the point is I love her so dearly that when she hurt me even if it's unintentionally, I would break.
Chuck Bass had been hurt too many times in his pathetic life. Losing his mother after she gave birth to him, losing his father after Chuck finally found out that he actually loved his son, losing his best friend for sleeping with Blair (aka his best friend's girlfriend)... So perhaps, the insecurity he held inside was enough to make him push Blair out of his life. By letting Blair into his heart meant he was giving Blair more power to break him. Hahaha... I should've taken psychology instead of engineering.
At the very last episode he came back to her, though. Good for him. I mean, wasn't stupid for two people who loved each other, instead of cherishing what they had, all they did was pushing each other away? They just did too much drama. But hey, that's what made Gossip Girl... quiet interesting.*wink, wink*
It had been raining for about an hour now. The blue rabbit was hiding in an empty hole. She's far from home, trapped by the rain. But strange enough, for once, she didn't mind it. Perhaps it's for the better. Now she could think. About the weather, about the green grass of August, about life.
She had been living in the same forest for as long as she could remember. She had grown playing with the deers and squirrels, jumping and trying to catch butterflies that flied over the flower bed. Everything was perfect here, but she knew better. She didn't tell anyone, but unlike those luckless mermaids who had never gotten a chance to step on the shore, she had went outside the security of the mother forest, couple of times.
She would never tell a soul how she could be there. But the world outside the forest was beautiful, but in the different kind of beauty. Instead of the fresh air of woods, it smelled like an awful mix of carbon, perfume, meats, and... practically everything. Instead of the warmth of the sun that went through the leaves of trees, it was the hot direct sunlight that almost burned her little uncovered skin on the tip of her long ears. But yet, she stood still. Too startled by the whole new environment around her.
Then she saw him. A little boy looking so charming in his white polo and casual knee-length jeans. "Blue rabbit..." he murmured. "I've never seen one like this before..."
The boy picked her up and brought her to his house. There, he immediately put her on the kitchen table and opened the refrigerator. He pulled out a carrot, sliced it into a few sticks and gave it to the blue rabbit. Hesitantly, she picked the carrot from his palm and began to chew. It tasted weird, not like ones she'd used to consume. But she swallowed it anyway. She's starving.
She looked up to the boy. The boy looked back at her. He smiled. And the blue rabbit returned his smile shyly. The boy, of course, didn't know this.
The boy played with her for a while on the garden. Then, his mother called. It's time for dinner. The sun has set for a while now. The boy patted blue rabbit's head and walked toward the house.
Blue rabbit was left alone in the garden. She didn't understand why the boy suddenly turned his back on her. She's very sad. She thought the boy wanted to play with her.
Blue rabbit looked around her, suddenly realized that she's alone, far away from home. She began to feel afraid. But she couldn't cry. She felt numb. Blue rabbit jumped to who-knew-where. She only stopped when she's already far away from the boy's house too. Now she's more terrified than ever. She wanted to go back there but she didn't know where she was. Fortunately mother rabbit came. Blue rabbit didn't know how mother rabbit could be there and in perfect timing too. But she did. Mother rabbit scolded blue rabbit, but she's much more worried than mad. Mother rabbit then escorted her daughter back to the forest.
Blue rabbit was sad. She kept thinking about the little boy and why he stopped playing with her. She didn't even like to chase the flying butterflies anymore, even when they're only a paw away from her.
One day, a yellow-black stripes honey bee came near blue rabbit and asked her what's wrong. Blue rabbit told the honey bee about the boy and honey bee said, "Maybe something happened to his brother?"
The rabbit tilted her head. "His brother?"
"Yes. When my brother was sick, I had to take care of him and spent almost all day in his chamber."
"Do you think his brother was sick?"
"I don't know... That day, why didn't you wait for him and ask him?"
The blue rabbit went silent. Was she afraid to know?
Days had gone slow for the rabbit. But yet, she managed to find her smile again. Mother rabbit had said to her, what's done is done. She could do better in the future. Don't you allow yourself to keep dwelling on your past, Blue...
Blue rabbit found herself in the outside of the forest, again. What made her here, she couldn't remember. She just felt like doing it and there she was. The sun almost rose on the horizon, giving gold shimmers on across the tall walls, the big road, and few people's heads. Blue rabbit sighed in awe. This place outside the forest, no matter how bad it smelled, always held certain fascination for blue rabbit.
As the sun crawled higher, the crowd of people increased. But people didn't seem to pay attention to blue rabbit, until it was noon. A girl with pony tail came toward the rabbit, interested with her soft blue fur. This girl was still wearing her plaid elementary school uniform and her Snoopy bag pack.
"Whoaa..." the girl said excitedly and then giggled. She took blue rabbit to her arms and softly caressed her fur. "I've never seen a blue rabbit before. I should tell my mother."
The girl ran toward her house with blue rabbit in her arms. The rabbit could hear the girl's beating heart and feel her strains of hair softly tickled blue rabbit's nose. The girl took her inside the house and show blue rabbit to her mother. "Itsn't it beautiful Mommy? I've never seen a blue rabbit!"
Her mother also looked at the blue rabbit in disbelief. "Me neither, Sweetheart... Me neither..."
Blue rabbit immediately made friends with the girl. The girl would spare a nice bit of her muffin for blue rabbit, allowed blue rabbit to sleep on her bed for a while, and laughed when blue rabbit played with her mother's knitting ball. That day was going fast, the sun had set and it's time for goodbye.
The girl put blue rabbit on the grass of her garden and said, "You know blue? Mommy doesn't want me to take you. She said I'm not allowed to take a pet because they always died. I didn't want them to be dead, but they do. Mommy said they all went to heaven. But I didn't want you to be dead also." By that, the girl left blue rabbit and went back into her home.
This time, blue rabbit knew that the girl had let her go. But still, every afternoon blue rabbit would go from her home deep in the forest to seek for the girl. And as always, the girl would wait for her in front of the door house, as patient as one little girl could do. The little girl would fed her, played with her, and told her stories.
One day, the blue rabbit was snuggling onto the girl's lap. While the little hand of the girl caressed her fur. Then the girl said, "Is it okay, dear Blue? If I take you for a while? I really want to adopt you, you know? I want something worth remembering, even if you have to die like the rest of my now-in-heaven pets. But I don't know... Mommy said, I will only hurt myself more."
Blue rabbit was wiser now, she'd really love for the girl to understand what she's trying to say. Don't fly if you're going to fall. It's stupid. It doesn't matter how beautiful the view, the hurt from the fall will erase everything. But go on and fly, as free as it can be. To land on the branch, as impossible as it might seem. Gracefully, with the one you love truly. You deserve something that will last.
I just noticed that they don't put out dates in this template. How am I supposed to know when did I write these things??? But I'm too lazy anyway, to pick up new template and everything. So I'll just keep this they way it is.
I watched The Clique a while ago. Yes, that movie with 12-years-old-girls and their Balenciaga bags and Prada shoes. That was a piece of junk, for sure. Damn. I can't believe I had passed my junior high school long time ago, then high school, and now in college. Does the time ever get a rest?? I mean, I didn't even get sufficient time for being mean and inconsiderate.
As I look back on things I'd done in my past, I think I'd been a too-good-girl. I never stabbed anyone behind their backs, I never made friends to anyone just to fit in, I never classified anyone based on their parents' wealth or clothes they wear. Gossiping is normal and totally not a crime, so that doesn't count. See? I was a good girl, and I still am. But being a bitch now seems like fun. Hahahaha... I just wish I had took as many chances as possible, made as many 'little' mistakes as possible. I mean, I was young, it's my right to do the wrongs.
As people get older, they not only get more responsibilities, but recognitions as well. I am way too wise now, to start a war with some girls just because I don't like the way they dress, the way they walk, or the way hold their purses. I also am way too graceful to make an exhibition of myself on Facebook or Twitter. And way too aware to constantly talking about sales, latest trends, dream shoes, idols, Mischa Barton, Adam Broody, Paris Hilton... I have no time for regular shoppings and The O.C is like oh-so-last-decade. Even when I watch GossipGirl, I feel like: duh. I mean, they're like in high school and all 17-years-old. And here I am feeling so totally more mature in my 20.
Well, I guess every stage of life has its own excitement. I just have to cherish the time I have and make the most of it.
I was watching when US president, Barack Obama, gave a speech at Cairo University, Egypt. I just realized that he's really good at speeching. I mean, his body language told people that he was confident, strong, yet warm at the same time. I think he'd really gotten people's attention and sympathy by showing them appreciation.
He greeted them by saying 'assalamu'alaikum'. That word let the audience know that he respected Muslims and he knew them well not to say 'warrahmatullahi wabarakatu' for he's Christian anyway. Also, he showed them deep knowledge about Islamic history and kept saying that American and Islam were not enemies. He said things like Morocco was the first country who recognized US independence, first Muslim's congressman in US, Thomas Jefferson kept Quran in his study, similarities of Moses, Jesus, and Muhammad, and so on.
I really like the way he spoke, as if he really believed that eventually we could live at peace together. He did not focus of what we must prevent or fight against, he focused of doing what we can to get what we want. He's sooooo like people in book The Secret. I remember a quote Mother Theresa said, "If you want me to march against war, that I will not do. But if you ask me to march for peace, then count me in." That, I think, what the world really needs.
It's easier to have in mind what we don't want. Like, I don't want to study, I don't want to get fat, I don't want him, I don't want bla-bla-bla... But if you don't want to study then what you want? If you don't want to get fat then what you want? And what's the definition of fat anyway?
For me, it's better to set a goal I want to achieve, rather than to be frightened by absurd things. I want to be able to play Beethoven's Pathetique, that I do even if I have to beat myself out by playing piano 3-4 hours a day. Kept repeating the same partition and those fingers-exercises over and over again. The problem is, sometimes we just don't know what we want.
Perhaps, once in while, we need to stop doing what we were doing. Really take a good look on things we have done, really feel the rightness, passion, and compassion. Then maybe, we can really learn from yesterday, hope for tomorrow, and live for today.
Happy morning, Everyone.
Well, I've never been good in saying something like prelude. So this is it. My brand new blog. I guess I won't be writing on the old one anymore. It took me like forever just to decide the template. And... here it is, as you see.
Anyway, now is like 2.14 AM. I'm still awake. Partly because... well I'm sort of in my semester break and just like any college student who's having a break, I spent my day in all the glory of laziness I have within. Meaning: didn't do anything but playing piano, IM-ing, watching DVDs... Anyway, as I'm writing this, I think I heard someone press the tuts of MY piano outside my room. And I heard a sound as if someone tried to close the piano. Me and my sisters have a bad habit when it comes to that, we never bother to close the piano.
This is quiet scary. I want to go outside and take a leak, but I figure I can wait until morning when everyone is up. Then I look at the door of my room, I realize I haven't closed it properly. Well, my dad haven't closed it properly after saying goodnight. And I am too scared even to close the door. Well, I figure if this whatever-thing even bother to close the piano, 'it' can do with my door as well. That's if I'm not just imagining things. It's pretty late now. So well, perhaps I AM imagining thing.
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