I like this song so very much that I've repeated it over and over again. Yea..., I know it's old. But this song kind of made me happy every time I listened to it. Odd. Never mind.
It'd been raining all morning and I dove my way back beneath the blanket. I used to love rain, but the humid weather and a cloudy heart was just too much.
To say that I wasn't expecting this to happen would be a lie. And I knew it was partly my fault. Because I failed to do what I was expected.
But still I wondered why. Was that because you and I were not as close as we're supposed to? Or because you didn't like me that much? Or maybe because you picked something else above me?
Well, if that's the case, then did that mean I did something wrong? Or simply never been good enough?
Then tell me where did I go wrong. Be mad at me.
You should tell me because I wasn't mind reader. You should criticize me because that would make us better. Don't give me sweet words or blame yourself for mistakes you did not do.
I had never been perfect and neither had you. But we're in this together to be better. So speak your mind and confront me if you have to. Anything but this silence of thin air.
Kan sebetulnya gue nulis blog dengan bahasa Inggris karena nyokap gue bilang: 'Kakak, bahasa inggris kamu kok jadi jelek sih? itu lah..., kamu nggak pernah pake sih.' Jadi kan ceritanya gue menggunakan tuh. Tapi kemarin nyokap gue bilang: 'Kakak, bahasa inggris kamu kok jelek sih...'
Sebel kan gue. Yaudah. Gue tetep pake bahasa Indonesia. Mau 17 Agustus-an juga. *nggak nyambung*
Eniwei..., tadi siang kan gue iseng-iseng nyalain TV. Lalu gue nonton reportase siang (abis nonton Insert soalnya >.<). Nah, videonya Marshanda jadi headline aja dong... Penting banget nggak sih. Trus lebih penting lagi gue mencari videonya di Youtube.
Menit-menit pertama gue cuma nonton dia maninin her silicon cased Blackberry dengan backsound lagu Angel-nya Sarah McLachlan.
Trus pas lagunya udah mau abis dan disusul lagu Blackbird, si Caca ini kan ngomong-ngomong blablabla... gitu. Pake kata 'lo jangan gini gitu'... Trus komen-komennya videonya bilang kayak: 'jangan sok nasehatin' dsb. Nah lo.
Gue bingungnya, karna gue kok nggak ngerasa si Caca *aih.., sok kenal* ini lagi nasehatin ya? Iya sih dia bilang 'cari cita-cita, jangan cari duit' atau 'cari temen boleh, tapi jangan lebay'. Tapi gue ngerasanya itu dia bilang karena dia selama ini cari uang, bukan ngelakuin apa yang bener-bener dia mau. Terus mungkin dia tipe people pleaser yang takut bakal nggak disukain kalo jadi dirinya sendiri. Mungkin dia ngomong gitu untuk dirinya sendiri?
Ih, gue tau gue aneh. Tapi gue juga suka nulis di blog dengan kata 'you', dan gue nggak berniat untuk nasehatin yang baca blog gue. It's just way to express my thought, and it's almost like talking to myself.
Gue nggak belain Marshanda. Hell no. Gue nggak tau juga itu public stunt kah. Setelah Manohara dan Dewi Persik, gue rasa artis melakukan apa aja untuk tetep terkenal. Meskipun terkenal karena gila. Liat Courtney Love. Gue cuma meng-compare caranya ngomong dan cara gue menulis. Soalnya pas gue baca 'sok nasehatin' itu gue jadi kayak: apa gue juga terkesan menasehati ya??
Yah..., akhirnya itu balik lagi ke cara orang berkomunikasi yang beda-beda. Mungkin.
Last Saturday I watched that so-called four fingered pianist. Well, I have to say that if you went to that show to watch a piano recital, perhaps you'd be a little disappointed. Because it was so not about piano performance. Instead, it was more like motivation training.
You see, this Hee Ah Lee was born with Lobster Claw syndrome. Meaning, she only has two fingers each hand and her legs end about the knees. At first, I thought she was too exposed by her 'imperfection', like Manohara. But then as I remembered the tagline of this show: Dream The Impossible Dream, I realized that it was necessary to mention her 'decays' to show how strong she actually is.
Her performances was poor IF she's a normal pianist with complete sets of fingers. Too many skipping notes and quite messy tempo. It wasn't Fantaisie Impromptu or Hungarian Dance as you usually heard.
Nonetheless, this was a good show.
There's this video about her life and how she managed to be what she is now. I was crying even before she got on stage. You could see her struggle and belief, and really got carried away with her story. And she's really nice and naive and sweet and always smiled. Looks like she's always happy no matter what.
She's a living proof that you can reach even the unreachable star. I mean, playing classical repertoire is already difficult as it is. I can barely imagine how hard she'd worked on that to be able to perform the way she had (she said she practiced 10 hours a day. No kidding!).
If you can have the best, why doing for the less? Feel free to dream the most impossible dream.
I'm not really in the mood for doing anything recently. Hahahaha... I've bought like ten books during this semester break and succeed to finish only one. I was supposed to practice three movements of a piano sonata and only manage to play one. Even last time I went for shopping-shoes with my mom and sister, I only bought one pair. I guess I'm really into the number 'one' these days.
Anyway..., we're working on one project right now: Boulevard's new issue will be out on mid-August. Hopefully it will be ready by this weekend.
It has to be.
My dad has already bought tickets for Hee Ah Lee's piano recital this Saturday. Can you believe she only has four fingers and no-legs-only-knees?? Well, I guess you can't beat talents. I mean, even Beethoven wrote symphonies and orchestras even when he's deaf.
I always envy those who really know where they belong. I mean, isn't that scary, when you only has four fingers, you want to play that Schubert's repertoir so very much? Then you decide to perform in front of audiences who will mercilessly judge you? Isn't it scary to catch a dream, that people thought, is impossible for you to reach?
Where does she get such strength? Maybe the answer is like one in those fairy tales, by believing in it.
I think they're rare, those moments when you really hear what your heart wants to say. So when you do, I think you should go for it. Or else you'll be sorry.
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