a little bit of everything

Ultimate Lie

2012-01-20T23:13:00.003+07:00

Something I did during serious identity crisis.

the umbrella

2012-01-19T10:46:00.006+07:00

Between 1990-2005 we have lost more than 28 million hectares of forest, including 21.7 million hectares of virgin forest. Since later 1990s, deforestation rates of primary forest have reached 26%. Today just under half of Indonesia is forested, and those forests are among the most threatened in the world.

There are approximately 27.000 orangutans; 20.000 in Borneo and 7.000 in Sumatra. Orangutans in Sumatra are classified as critically endangered species while those in Borneo are classified as endangered.

Orangutan is an umbrella species. Meaning their condition reflects the condition of their habitat, in orangutan's case, it is the tropical rain-forest. If orangutans are in good shape that means the forests are also in decent condition. Thus the plummeting population of orangutan is heavily related to deforestation in Indonesia.

This condition is also an alert to climate change. The risen of the temperature caused by layers of gases (such as CO2 and methane) surrounding the earth. Those heavy layers trap heat from the sun inside, just like glasses trapping the heat in the glass house.

Forests have a significant role to overcome climate change. The trees alone have the ability to convert CO2 from human and industry, providing oxygen for living creatures and averting further doing of climate change.

The endangered status of orangutans means the forests are in critical condition. And without its lung, the living creatures on earth will not survive.

Protecting orangutans is not about giving them shelter or breeding them. It is about preserving the habitat, the forests which in return giving us life and sustainability.

Happy is what happens when

2012-01-18T22:17:00.004+07:00

I'm using blog as a therapy. If anyone ~~unlucky~~ kind enough to read it, you actually are ~~unfortunate enough to read~~ reading my therapy diary.

The question of the day popped out after I watch “Girl, Interrupted”. I mean, that Winona, wasn’t she gorgeous or what? So being the ~~snoopy~~ curious young woman that I am, I’m just wondering ~~how could Winona and Angelina be so skinny???~~ what happiness is.

A million dollar question.

Which is remind me of ~~the only musical I’ve ever seen~~ my favorite musical, Wicked. When the entire Oz was celebrating Glinda’s engagement to Fiyero: the love of her life, her prince charming, her perfect match. When her every wish ever since she stepped her little feet in Emerald city had finally come true.

But I couldn't be happier,
simply couldn't be happier,
Well-- not "simply"
'Cause getting your dreams,
it's strange, but it seems
a little, well, complicated.
There's a kind of sort of... cost.
There's a couple of things get... lost.
There are bridges you cross
you didn't know you crossed
until you crossed.
and if the that joy, that thrill,
doesn't thrill you like you think it will...
Still--
with this perfect finale,
the cheers and the ballyhoo,
who
wouldn't be happier?
So I couldn't be happier.
Because happy is what happens
when all your dreams come true.
Well, isn't it?

Contemplating the idea, I came to an ~~absurd~~ ~~cliche~~ mind-lightening deliberation that maybe happiness is not about what it is in the end of the rainbow. Maybe happiness is only about taking gratitude of what you already have. Maybe it's only about ~~buying new shoes~~ holding your parents or siblings or friends and thank them. Maybe it's only about saying to someone that you love them.

Because if the best things are free, happiness should be easy. Isn't it?

Write!

2012-01-16T22:36:00.005+07:00

My January resolution is to write everyday. Even if it's only a line of absurd sentences. Just like that funny guy said, "Write! Even if it's to say that you have nothing to write". Or something like that.

Very uninspiring. Oh. Duh.

*ictures taken from http://francis-moran.com/index.php/random-thoughts/have-you-got-the-write-stuff/

children of rain

2011-12-06T06:58:00.007+07:00

I have been dreaming of some kind of 'child-shelter' where children who come from poor family can come over and play and learn how to write and read and play musical instrument. Where they can get something that will change their lives toward the better. Maybe they can learn how to sew and cook as well. And just maybe, we will find a Mozart-like child prodigy, he or she might be out there somewhere but never got the chance even to touch piano or violin.

So when Indah called me and asked me to join a voluntary-project with children few months ago, I'd said yes.

We called it 'Terminal Hujan'. Anggun came up with that name because the children are living in the area near to a bus terminal in the so-called 'rainy city', Bogor. Every week-end we pay a visit and teach the children school subjects, in a fun way.

The main purpose of this long-term project is actually character building: integrity, persistency and independency. Thus first of all, we set some basic rules. Such as, 'wear sandals or shoes to Terminal Hujan', 'no hitting or kicking or pushing your friends', 'listen when someone is talking', 'no calling-names'.

One of our muse, Widi, whined and cried all the time. But always come back all the time.

It is, however, a rocky road towards perfection. Throw away all your romantic imaginations about them being obedient, vulnerable kids. Okay, perhaps psychology speaking, they are vulnerable. Obedient? Not in the slightest. Most of these kids are not used to rules and manners. And in the beginning it was super exhausting to spend time with them. They talked all the time, fought each other all the time. It seemed like the only way they could express 'hi' or 'I love you' is by hitting one another. It was really easy to understand football clashes or even racial riots through these kids. It wasn't much about principles, it's more about how they're being raised.

Finally, thanks to The Nanny, we came up with this idea of reward and punishment. In the beginning, at the end of everyday we had milk for every kid. Now we only give milk for those who has 'acted nicely'. That means those who did not hit their friends, were willing to try and study, and came on time. And I am happy to say, we are getting better. Yiihaaa!

Being 'Tugu Kujang'. The nicest 'figure' would have the milk first.

But, again, it is a rocky road. Every week I am responsible of kids on fifth grade. And some of them can't even speak proper Indonesian. They understand what I am saying, but they cannot speak in the same language. They're used to Sundanese and it seems so hard for them to go out of their comfort zone and embrace their place in extended society. And --praise my elementary school teacher-- don't even get me start with Math or English. Noooo!

They are not the brightest student and definitely do not come from a family that can provide good education. They said if you're poor and brilliant, you're safe. There's plenty of scholarship you could get. If you're stupid and rich, you'll be okay. Your parents will help you out. If you're average or below average and poor, you're doomed. That's one of the reason why I say the whole 'SBI' or 'International Level School' is one BIG JOKE. Whatever happen to 'education for each and every Indonesian kid' if public schools cost even more than private ones? If public schools select only the top kids to enroll? But more on those later.

Anyway, for me Terminal Hujan is not a charity project. The kids, in their own special way, teach you more than you can ever teach them. They remind you how you used to be: innocent, trusting and loving. It's the sparkle in their eyes whenever they see you, it's the aura of excitement each time you begin the class, it's their expressions of joy when you introduce them to something new. God, these kids are addicting.

And you know, we might be boring sometimes and there were moments when some of the kids are angry because they don't get milk. But the fact that they would come again anyway, it gives me hope that maybe, we're on the right path after all.

a French touch

2011-12-04T07:09:00.004+07:00

I just happened to blog-walk when I blog-ran into this lovely blog of Garance Dore, a French fashion photographer who's currently residing in New York City. So maybe I am shallow for not caring about whatever happens to the election of the chairman of Ikatan Alumni ITB and for just not being able understand all the fuss that goes with it. But Dore's witty remarks about Hermes and Carine Roitfield and ballet-flats and skinny-ness are just adorable. Oh, and those pretty pictures too!

try vegan

2011-10-27T20:24:00.009+07:00

I believe God created everything for reasons. There are trees to convert carbon-dioxide into oxygen. There are seas and oceans to provide us with water. And there are animals for us to eat.

Yes, I believe those chickens and cows and ducks and fishes are meant to be eaten. Not eating them is against the law of nature, is a form of disrespect to life itself. For those poor beings would just die, wasted. *drama*

Nonetheless, back in Zurich we had a lunch in a vegan restaurant called HILTL. It is located on Sihlstrasse, just a couple blocks away from the shopping district, Bahnhoffstrasse. My dad mistook the place as a Thai restaurant because there's 'curry' written on the board.

You see, the thing with traveling with your parent is different taste. My dad constantly looked for something that's resembled 'nasi' while I was walking around munching chestnuts and waffles.

Anyway, this restaurant, HILTL, was pretty interesting. Aside from serving animal-free dishes, which is extremely rare here in Indonesia, they sell them based on the weight. Everything on the buffet is sold by 4.5 CHF per 100 grams.

So you put everything you want on the plate -> put the plate on the scale -> you'll receive a note of how much your lunch weighed and how much you're gonna have to pay.

HILTL also turned out to be the oldest vegetarian restaurant in Europe. It was built in 1898 by Ambrosius Hiltl. It is said that he was diagnosed with arthritis and the doctor back then advised him to try vegetarian diet. His health improved and so the restaurant was founded.

I personally liked it here. I liked the ambient. I liked the dining experience. And I thought the dishes were good. My dad was not very fond of it, the seasoning was too plain for his standard. But at least they served 'nasi kuning'.

dialectic

2011-10-25T10:26:00.005+07:00

Once upon a time, a president did not need 24-hours protection. Once upon a time, you could bring your own bottle of water into the plane. Once upon a time, you didn't have to take off your boots when walking pass a metal detector. Once upon a time, there were even no metal detectors.

As the world exceeds, why does humanity seem to take a leap.. backward?

The Adventure (in the home) of TinTin

2011-10-18T15:49:00.007+07:00

When I was a kid my mom used to get back from work bringing new books. From the latest volume of Baby Sitters’ Club series to the classic Enid Blyton’s boarding school stories to the TinTin. Yes. TinTin was my mom’s favorite comic, along with Asterix.

Revert back to the origin of TinTin, he and his dog, Snowy, was born in Belgium. A country with population of eleven million and is famous by its waffle, tapestry, lace and the ever-so-delicate, her highness Lady Godiva the Truffle Chocolate.

We had a city tour to Antwerp and Brussels on my second day in Western Europe. It was a two hours driving and as the giant orange windmill came to the view; we officially left Netherlands and were in Belgium.

Antwerp, or Antwerpen as the local says, is located in Flanders region, on the north of Belgium. The second biggest city in the country of 30,528 km sq. And surprise, surprise is one of the countries that drive on the right side of the road.

Antwerp has its name from hand werpen, Dutch words of 'hand throwing'. According to the folktale, there’s used to be this evil giant named Antigoon. He took money from those who crossed the river near his palace. A brave boy called Brabo then came to the rescue, defeated the giant and threw his hand into the river. A little bit resembled to the legend of David and Goliath.

It was an hour stop in the Antwerp Square near the City Hall, so there’s not much to see. And we spent 30 minutes alone waiting for our take-away-noodles. But we did see the famous Cathedral of Our Lady.

The second stop was Brussels or Bruxelles. These countries in Europe are unique. Just like in Canada, you can have more than one official language. In the case of Belgium, there are the Dutch speaking Flanders and the French speaking Wallonia. And while Brussels itself is not a part of either state because it was an independent city-state, the people prefer to speak French.

Which left me wondering, do they speak in both of the language? And why didn’t I think about this sooner? I mean if someone from Flanders region in the North Belgium visiting someplace in Wallonia region in South Belgium, will they be able to understand each other? Here in Indonesia, even though we have tons of languages, all of us can speak Bahasa. Well, all of us who’s wearing shirts and pants or skirts, at least.

Anyway, Brussels has higher density than Antwerp, even higher than Amsterdam. It is the home of NATO and European Union. The reason of why Brussels was appointed as the city of EU’s head quarter is because it is located literally in the heart of Europe, precisely 300 km from Paris and 300 km from London.

Brussels has this landmark called Manneken Pis or ‘the peeing boy’. Who’s on the right mind would make a three feet tall naked boy urinating into a basin as their landmarks? Well, the Brussels people. A cute thing, though, in several occasion, the local government would have the boy dressed. Sometimes with the national football costume or even Judo attire. But you can’t tell exactly when you would see him wearing clothes, as it’s always a surprise.

When us coming, he’s in his naked form.

goed Amsterdam

2011-10-17T09:19:00.011+07:00

I always envy those whose job is to travel around the world and write about it on their blog. I mean, who doesn’t? Going somewhere new, learning how locals do stuffs, eating the native’s specialties, getting lost in the middle of the city… Ah. What could go wrong in a world like that?

So this year I got lucky enough to have a chance to visit Holland, Belgium and Switzerland. Lucky enough to eat waffle in Brussels, get lost in Zurich and be intimidated by how skinny these girls are in Amsterdam.

We arrived first in Holland. A country old enough, wise enough to have everything runs by the system, accompanied by excellent (and continuously constructed) infrastructures. This is the country, not bigger than 1/3 of Java Island alone, which managed to make colony out of almost all part of Indonesia. Even made a colony out of United States when they first arrived on the east coast, taking New Amsterdam (now, New York) as their new home before the British took over.

Amsterdam itself is a city with eight hundred thousand people. A quite romantic place with canals and cafes near the river and adult shops. Amsterdam, for better or for worst, is also famous for its red light district. A legalized prostitution area called Walletjes or Rosse Buurt. In almost every souvenir shop, if you see a snow globe with red penis and naked woman in it, that represents the particular district.

I didn't visit the red light district. I know. I'm boring.

We stayed at a hotel in the middle of the Dam Square, a tourists’ center as I call it. A department store built in 1870 called De Bijenkorf is only steps away. And the central station is right across the street. It is a busy street, with people walking and biking and driving and traming. But surprisingly, there's no traffic. Only few cars and less than few motorcycles in this area. Trams are everywhere, come and gone with ridiculous punctuality. And the bikes... I seriously suspect there are more bikes than the actual people who ride them in this country.

I spent a whole day just walking around the square, visiting Madame Tussaud’s and watching locals with their boots and bikes. It was a windy October that you had to buy some beret to keep your hair off your eyes. The beret which I lost somewhere in Zurich.

Anyhow, aside from the first impression of mine about the wise ol' Amsterdam, I notice this. Netherlands is an old country, founded perhaps more than a millenia ago, though they declared independency just around 16th century. They had had their wars and golden age. Had endured the phase of Dutch Republic, domination by the French, the whole affair of Kingdom of Netherlands, the Nazi and more recently, of course, the domination of the United States.

What I'm trying to say is, brothers and sisters, Indonesia still has a loooong way to go. Netherlands has settled and the system is working with high efficiency. But it doesn't come over night. There are histories and stories written by red tints. Starting up a country takes hundreds of years, especially if the plant is as big as Indonesia with materials as diverse and many as Indonesian people.

So as Gandhi said: Be the change you want to see. *running to buy bike*eh*

off we go!

2011-10-09T09:29:00.003+07:00

Live your life as if you are writing a book. It should be exciting and daring, witty and full of self-learning. It should make you smile, cry, laugh and frustrated as hell. But most importantly, it should be worth doing it.

Dancing Little Girl

2011-09-25T11:55:00.006+07:00

It's started with a cliche: "life is a spinning wheel". And you go dancing. For the sun that shines through windows in your bedroom. For a glass of milk in the morning. For the kisses of your loved ones.

Sometimes life brings you down. And you go dancing still. For the rainbow after the rain. For the coming after long waiting. For the closure and tears after a shredded dream. For a kiss and bedtime story before you go to slumber land.

Throughout life it is all a mystery. The people you are meant to meet. And those who are meant to leave. But for every smile, every laugh, every warmth, every lesson learned... little girl keeps dancing.

Credit

why still

2011-07-08T17:24:00.003+07:00

And if we should not achieve that final consummation, if things should become worse than before, if the whole truth should be more insupportable than the half-truth, if it should be proved that the silent are in the right as the guardians of existence, if the faint hope that we still possess should give way to complete hopelessness, the attempt is still worth the trial, since you do not desire to live as you are compelled to live. Well, then, why do you make it a reproach against the others that they are silent, and remain silent yourself?

Kafka - "Investigation of The Dogs"

22 Project

2011-05-19T07:23:00.007+07:00

I just found this iPad application named "0 to 100 Project". It's basically a photography project, capturing the faces of 0 to 100-year-old people. They also inserted numbers of short videos of what they think about being in that age, what's the best and worst things.

Children with their big eyes. Teenagers with naivety. Twenties and all the confusion. To amazingly graceful a hundred years old lady.

Seriously. This application is superbly beautiful. So much special it even brought me back in front of computer and write it on my blog.

I know I cry on many things. Films, books, news, articles and this project. It's just so much emotion radiated from the pictures and videos and even quotes. And you can see that the purpose of life itself is actually to live and make every second counts.

When we were children we were totally in this moment and we think big, think of being a princess. Or a rock star. Or a princess rock star. Then now when I'm in my twenties, I feel like I still have a lot of times. That the moment will eventually come for me to do big things. That it's okay now for me to make a few dozen mistakes more. But it's not.

Sadly, I realize being older means more responsibilities. When you are a kid you still have to go with your parents' rules. Now little by little you take over control of your own life. And more freedom means, well you know, more responsibilities. Gone was the day when you could screw things up and got away with that. Getting older means Mommy and Daddy won't have your back when you spend too much money on a pair of shoes. And people will eventually get bored with your constant flings and anti-relationship state of mind.

And hard work and sacrifices are probably worth it. Because I know when I'm, if ever, in my a hundred years old birthday, I will be very much content to know I've lived a pretty good life. That I did not make too many embarrassing mistakes. That I've lived everyday being simply happy.

I don't want to do things that make me feel free today and wake up tomorrow feeling bad about myself. So my 22-Project this year is to wake up everyday happy because I'm doing the right things rightly.

I'll start with exercising. Promise.

java dizz

2011-03-08T06:42:00.004+07:00

Last Saturday I went to Java Jazz Festival. I kind of wanted to see Corrine Bailey Rae's performance. Before I realized her show was on Friday night.

On JI Expo, first thing I noticed: the parking was crazy. Second thing: once inside, I could barely moved. Geez, just how many tickets sold. Didn't they have some calculations or something??

The special show was even crazier. Santana was scheduled on 10.30 and the hall gate opened half hour before. And thousands of people were already waiting.

This is.. so many people.

And where's the so called artist anyway?

I almost canceled my plan to watch it if not because I was trapped in the middle of big wave of people trying to get their way in. And here's what popped in my mind: "I am like a drop of fluid on a pipe. The movement is turbulent. What's the Reynold number? Above 2000 or above 4000?"

When I see a woman trying to cool herself down using a fan, I thought of forced convection.

Good thing I didn't think about amplitude and frequency when Chuck Loeb was on stage.

Maybe I should go back studying. Damn.

Happy Endings

2011-03-02T06:41:00.001+07:00

You know in movies where the ex-boyfriend/girlfriend got married, left our protagonist either devastated or suicidal. Well, it sort of happen to me. Minus the misery.

I feel like laughing all the time. Between reality and absurdity. Like a hyper child with high sugar blood pressure.

I once making fun of Novi. Teasing her about her old fling who left her to marry some country girl. That's not what happened here. But I just understand now that, really, life goes on. With or without you. Sometimes I get so caught up in my part that I don't realize, every single other person has life too.

I have not even graduated yet, he's already walking down the isle. Which makes me wonder.., is this really the guy I fell for once upon a time? Probably not. Then again, I don't think I am the same girl.

Is this supposed to be a nightmare? Why do I feel strangely ecstatic?

I'd been running to catch a glimpse of his shadow. I was infatuated, like a school girl blushing and speechless everytime he's around. And now when he's finally out of the way, instead of feeling lost, I feel... free.

Like letting go your first love and when you look back, you feel nothing but grateful. For things he made you feel. And what you've become of it.

I remember he said he's looking for a soulmate. He wanted to get married around age 28-29. And boy he did. Why I'm feeling proud because of it is strange.

Someone dropped in to your life. With some twisted ways showed you things you'd never seen before. After some time, their time with you would be over. But not before they changed your life, your views. In a way, open up the right path you ought to be walking on. And I forever would be thankful for that.

I'm glad that he finally had his answer. Like watching the last episode of How I Met Your Mother, but in real life.

As for me, I finally could close the book. For good. Forever. Without having to be worried that there would be a sequel.

I have never been this happy to hear a wedding announcement. And it wasn't even my wedding. My mom just called that she already has tickets for Java Jazz and I won't be able to make it because Chemical Engineering Exam is just around the corner and I still feel fine.

Wow. February is indeed a month full of love. Also for Ika and Ebhe. And my parents 24th anniversary.

Happy wedding, Dearests. Wish you all the best thing in life. Till death do you part. :)

Cat

2011-02-10T21:27:00.002+07:00

Meet Cat, the neighbour's... well, cat. Ever since he got lost to our home couple days ago, he seems to be visiting a lot.

He came again this evening, while I was frying sausages and egg. (Our house is being re-painted for more than a week now. And the dust is driving us insane, my Aunt doesn't even want to cook anymore.)

Cat (I don't know his real name) is a snobbish hybrid. He doesn't linger on your feet, wanting to be hugged or petted. He will run to every direction in the house, smelling every corners. Or sit calmly in the newly-painted kitchen, not even bother to look at people who's calling him.

This evening Cat brought a new toy. A cockroach. Normally, I would say it gross. But Cat seemed to enjoy his play-date a lot. He would let the poor cockroach go, only to run catching it agan. Let free, run catching.

Few times Cat left cockroach lying on its back and it would play dead. Then Cat would check up on him. Once Cat finished helping cockroach on its feet, cockroach would run and Cat would be on his hunt again.

I found cockroach to be disturbing ever since I read Kafka's Gregor Samsa who turned into insect. It's supposed to be beetle, but Kafka's description about the insect also matches cockroach.

Anyway, finally the tiny body of cockroach could not take it anymore. It finally laid lifeless on the backyard.

Cat seemed to be quite taken aback. He tried to wake up the cockroach, but it just wouldn't move. Finally he gave up and moved away.

Then Cat sat calmly, now under the toilet. Ignoring my old, "Here kitty kitty Cat..."

Season of The Dumb

2011-02-09T07:21:00.005+07:00

When a young girl accused as a witch was dragged down from her parents, wailing and pleading for the priest to spare her life, I thought I was going to see a good film. Though of course it's Nicholas Cage, who took roles in Disney's National Treasure and Sorcerer's Apprentice, I should've known Season of The Witch would be just a plain fantasy.

Behmen (Cage) was a former knight of Crusade War who decided he had enough serving the Church when his army attacked a Moslem village and murdered hundreds of women and children. He and a fellow ex-crusader, Felson, then left the army and traveled along in search for civilization. After a month, they finally found a village.

Behmen and Felson visited the village just to buy horses and food supply and planned to leave soon after. But a boy accidently dropped Behmen's sword and the villagers recongized him as a deceiver of Crusade War, therefore he also became the enemy of God. Behmen and Felson then being captive and put into the dungeon.

Meanwhile, the so called village was plagued by strange disease. Almost everybody was infected, from the dirtiest scavenger on the street to the holiest local priest.

The Church believed the black witch was the cause. A middle-rank priest found a girl alone on the street, muttering words no one could understand. He's then convinced she's the witch and arrested her. The Church needed the witch to be deliver to someplace which name I couldn't remember, therefore they need some capable hands.

At first, Behmen and Felson refused to do so, having sworn never to serve the Church anymore. But after they saw the girl, in miserable condition to say the least, they decided it was best for the girl to be sent and given fair trial immediately. So then the journey of two former crusaders, a local knight, a priest, a merchant and a suspect began..

From the beginning until 3/4 of the movie, I thought this film would be another critism to the witch-hunt in 1400s. When hundred of thousands of women were captured, drown, hung and even burned alive for witch-craft practices which were never proven to be true.

Like at the beginning of the movie, when a woman said all she did was to give herbal medicine to a wounded man. And when the alleged 'black witch' said that in her village, there used to be a girl who was accused as a witch. To prove her innocence, she was pushed into the river. If she died by drowning, then she wasn't a witch. If she survived, then she was a witch and had to be burned.

Most disappointingly, it turned out that Season of The Witch was just a dull journey of ex-crusaders to escort an idiot devil to someplace. The reason of why the devil ever needed escort was another absurdity.

In the end of the movie, I was thinking: So what's the point? Are they really saying that killing hundred thousands women in 14th to 17th century was necessary?

metamorphosis

2011-01-25T21:32:00.003+07:00

There’s something funny about Franz Kafka’s work, Metamorphosis. A story about what would happen if one wake up in the morning and find himself turned into a giant beetle. Funny because neither Gregor Samsa nor his family had even slightest denial about Gregor’s unnatural physical metamorphosis. There’s no “I must be dreaming. I will close my eyes, count to ten and everything will go back to normal” or wailing or even frustrated stomping.

The Samsas took ‘Gregor is now a beetle’ as a fact, not even had the slightest rumination like ‘there’s a monster inside Gregor’s room and it most probably has killed him’. Therefore instead of calling police or doctor or pest extinguisher, they kept beetle Gregor as a secret shame.

Gregor, despite tremendous unfortunate event that happened to him, could only think about how much he put his family in such inconvenient state. He wished, above anything else, to go back to work and provide his family a comfortable living and send his sister to a reputable music school.

A beautifully written bizarre story. As if mocking people who make a fuss over the superficials. The real tragedy is when your family member turns into insect over night. Anything else is solvable.

our dearest ILL

2011-01-04T16:19:00.004+07:00

Mother Theresa once said: "If you're going on a march against war, count me out. But if you're going on a march to support peace, then I'm in."

Meaning we cannot fight fire with fire. Cannot fight terrorism with massacre. Cannot fight idiocy and dictatorship with rage. Wait. You probably can fight idiocy and dictatorship with rage.

I can't believe North Korea an their 'dear leader' Kim Jong Il remains untouched all of these years. Somebody has to put some sense in his brain. And his son's, Kim Jong Un, as well.

It's like they put more than 23 million Korean people into hostages. I mean, only 68% of the population is well fed. And well fed means eating half of the standard portion of meal. 1/3 of children and 1/4 of pregnant women are malnourished and starving. While the Kims have recently built a villa worth 150 million USD for the 'crown prince', Kim Jong Un. They have other 32 similar buildings all across the country.

And it is said they even have personal subway and yacht way. And undersea view facilities. I don't know if these are really real. I mean, it sounds too... heartless.

All medias are owned and controlled by the government. All of televisions and radios are listed and programmed to only received government's broadcast. I wonder if citizens could be granted permissions to leave the country. Not likely.

I should've felt grateful that I wasn't born in North Korea. Even Cendana could be seen as generous compared to the Kims. And we all thanked God the moment Cendana's reign was over.

egg, chicken, pie

2010-12-31T22:52:00.008+07:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! :)

issues

2010-12-27T18:18:00.004+07:00

On a sunny day, we met up again. Two friends who barely said a word to each other for almost a year. Awkward gestures, unsure what to do.

This could be a closure. Or a new shape of friendship. A kiss on the cheek.

"I personally don't believe in global warming. It's just a political twist of powerful countries not wanting developing countries, like Indonesia, emerge as new power in global industries. The world has its cycle and its own mechanism to make itself sustainable."

Always a little discussion. Now over pancakes.

"Well, politic aside. What's wrong with recycling and trying to make less and less solid waste disposal? What's wrong with planting more trees or building more environmental friendly homes? It doesn't matter whether global warming is really exist or not, living green doesn't hurt anyone."

"Poorer countries will always be dependent to richer countries. How could they manage to accelerate their economy if their industries and manufactures continue being held back by the reason of global warming? Those superpower countries only use global warming issue to secure their positions in the food chain."

"Cleaner technology will indeed improve the living quality of society. Reducing raw material, recycling product into its raw material will help. Reusing what you have at home instead of buying the new one is not only helping the environment, but also your wallet, and it prevents any more unnecessary disposal."

"Clean technology is expensive. Raw materials are usually cheaper than the recycled ones, clean technology is not exactly congruous to be implemented in developing countries. Tax cut or incentive for industries that use clean technology, they couldn't do that."

"That's the use of research, to discover new possible, cheaper, more environmental friendly both processes and materials. People need to work together and stop pointing at one another. We could start living green at home. People that live near industrial area could protest if those industrial activities interfere their healths. Government should make a strict policy about emissions and litters that could be harmful to water and soil."

"That could be done, again, in already are industrial countries. There's almost no textile plants in US. They move them to Vietnam, Cambodia, Indonesia because that kind of industry produce a lot of waste."

"And they buy it back to United States. Making coutures and expensive clothes..."

"... and sell it to people around the world, including Vietnam, Cambodia, Indonesia."

"But that's the purpose of industry. You add some value to raw materials, sell them and collect much more money than the producers of those raw materials do. I honestly don't see the bad in capitalism. You want to win big, you have to bet big."

"Developed countries have two faces..."

"We all do."

"Exactly. Raising up this global warming issue, making this sound important and urgent. While at the same time they don't want to sacrifice anything. They push developing countries into taking responsibilities of what developed countries have done. All the data about earth warming up, is only a bunch of curves of what's been going on in the past... let's say, 50 years, 100 years. Earth exists much longer than that. Its warming up and cooling down, it's all part of the cycle."

"If there's no global warming issue people won't stop using cheap technology that will intoxicate their own bodies. People will never stop dispose unnecessary wastes."

"Global warming issue ties down poorer countries and prevents their economic independence. Now is the mankind prosperity versus paranoid hypothesis. And you haven't finished your food."

"I have. I feel full already."

"You only ate a half of it."

"But I can't eat anymore. Or else I'm gonna be sick of too much carb."

"Why... I'm always the one to finish your meal."

Kafka said stories don't have to state morals. Sometimes stories are just about the beauty of details and well written lines.

Talks don't have to have conclusions. The beauty of it is just when you're there, with persons you care about, talking and sipping orange juice.

Oprah's favorite things

2010-11-26T07:52:00.004+07:00

You know Oprah's most famous quote is: "Everybody gets the car!!" I imagine people went to her show every week, hoping she'd give away cars on the very episode they're in. But even though it's not car she'd given away, Oprah's Favorite Things episodes are always fun to watch.

Like in 2007, each audience got back home with camcorder, luxurious watch, refrigerator, and plenty other things. She didn't have the usual Oprah's Favorite things on 2008 and 2009 due to the economic recession in the US (I bet any company would do multiple thinking before giving up hundreds of free products, even for THE Oprah).

Yet in her very last Oprah Show (she won't be doing this show anymore next year), we expect nothing but the best. Luckily, so did she. That's why in this season she had 2 episode of Oprah's Favorite Thing. Among the list: 2012 Volkswagen Beetle. Yes, baby, everybody gets the car!!

Maybe economic condition in the US gets better. Maybe Oprah's tired of giving away crappy things like downloadable CDs. Though, of course, as long as it's free and coming from Oprah, it's no crappy at all. This last two episodes of Oprah's Favorite Things (or Gifts) are extraordinaire.

Here's the complete list, as reported on TVSquad.

Limited-Edition 25th Anniversary Oprah watch by Philip Stein ($2475.00)
Nikon camera ($699.95)
Ralph Lauren Oprah Cashmere Sweater and Throw ($1093.00)
Judith Ripka earrings ($525.00)
Tory Burch tote ($250.00)
Andre Walker hair products ($65.00)
Lafco candles ($990.00)
Breville Panini Press ($99.95)
Kyocera knife set ($74.95)
Beecher's mac & cheese ($29.00)
Baker's Edge brownie/lasagna pan ($89.40)
'A Course in Weight Loss' by Marieanne Williamson and 'Decode' by Jay-Z ($59.95)

Netflix membership (5 years)
Kiva/Groupon gift card ($100.00)
Reva Ballerina shoes ($195.00)
Elfa closet system ($1000.00)
Oprah final season t-shirt ($35.00)
Lululemon pants ($98.00)
Black-Eyed Peas CD ((17.98)
Nike shoes (four pair: $340.00)
Apple iPad with Scrabble app ($500.00)
UGG boots ($175.00)
Sophia Satchel by Coach ($398.00)
Magaschoni tunic and leggings ($558.00)

Hope in a Jar by Philosophy ($38.00 and up)
Nordstrom lingerie ($500.00)
Herb Savor by Prepara ($29.95)
Centerville chicken pie ($20.00)
Garrett's Limited Edition Favorite Things tin ($135.00)
Le Creuset cookware ($599.00)
Miraclebody jeans ($110.00)
Sophie jewelry box ($179.00)
Jessica Leigh diamond earrings ($1900.00)
DonorsChoose.org gift card ($100.00)

Williams-Sonoma mini croissants ($39.95)
Talbott Teas ($150.00)
'The Book of Awakening' by Mark Nepo ($18.95)
'Illuminations' by Josh Groban ($12.99)
'Let It Be Me' by Johnny Mathis ($12.00)

Sony Bravia 3D TV and Blu-ray player ($3600.00)
2012 Volkswagen Beetle (it won't be announced until May 2011 but Oprah got a sneak peek)

prodigy

2010-11-25T17:20:00.012+07:00

I've been sick for 3 days now, high fever followed by feels-like-never-ending-stomach-cramps. The genius Aji told me I probably caught 'masuk angin'. But yesterday night the pain was excruciating that my aunt finally took me to an internist.

And she said I caught bronchitis.

I don't really understand the connections between lungs and bilge, but long story short, doctor order, I have to put on total rest for the rest of the week. Meaning: no class, no jalan-jalan, no exam. She said I was under a lot of stress lately, which is weird, I never feel like I was.

Anyway, so today I spent the whole afternoon blog walking. I'm always kind of curious with the blog of Tavi Gevinson. I mean, this 14-year-old fashion blogger had shoots for TeenVogue Magazine last year. And, as reported by NY Magazine, had turned down request to appear on Oprah and The Tonight Show. Man.., this chick gets the guts.

Almost as gutty as Anna Wintour, who ordered Oprah to lose 20 lbs before The Queen of American Talk Show could put her face on the cover of Vogue.

Style Rookie, that's Tavi's blog, may not be entirely different from any other fashion blogs. But the fact that a 14-year-old girl is writing these articles: Whoaaa.. I don't remember what I wrote when I was her age, but I'm pretty sure it's not something I could be proud of.

She wrote about Briney Spears' cover shoot for Japanese magazine, Pop. Adding some fine piece of her mind about lolita fetishes, she mentioned about how Spears was sold under pretense of virginal yet sexy school girl. She also compared the princess with Courtney Love, who (as Tavi said it) popularized the trend Kinderwhore.

I think I'm a fan.

This is Tavi's response to the possibility of people get bored of her after some years, when she enters adulthood, as reported by NY Magazine.

“I guess that’s sort of a worry of mine,” she said. “That I won’t be relevant anymore, and then I just won’t be able to do things like go to Fashion Week.” She went on, “If I lost all my readers tomorrow, I would still blog, just because it’s a place for me to get my thoughts down. As I get older, no one will be able to do the ‘Can you believe it? This kid’s thirteen!’ thing. That’s fine. I’d rather get attention for any credibility I have, and if I don’t get attention at all maybe that will tell me I never had any credibility. In which case I’ll just watch the live streams. The main thing is the clothes."

dandelion

2010-11-17T16:35:00.006+07:00

Dandelion goes from south to north, every winter day in the middle of the year. Tells you stories about lovers' longing and persistent devotees. How people met and how they said goodbye. Dandelion flies past your chest, digging old emotions and blurry remembrance.

Wood engulfed by fire, in one burning summer day. And he saw she never cared. And she never asked. Dandelion blows with monsoon, leaving behind the cold and into the warmth. Taking away silent plea and unspoken affection.

Words that he could not find, things that she failed to understand. Distant and cruel. Come with nothing, leave with nothing. Dandelion fades as the result of frictions. Closure is the time passing. Mending your heart and guide it open. Until next time, Dandelion goes from north to south.

http://lovealittlejewel.com/

http://wpdemand.wordpress.com/2009/03/29/dandelion/

http://thewellnesswarrior.blogspot.com/2010/05/dandelion-chicory-root-tea.html

http://photography.nationalgeographic.com/photography/photo-of-the-day/dandelion/

merrily jolly

2010-11-16T08:06:00.007+07:00

Found this piece from watching Nodame Cantabile. I especially love the beginning and ending of the first movement. Reminds of me of Christmas and Santa's sleigh and toy land and joy ride.

Ah, so many talented people in this world. I'm feeling envious...

Ravel - Piano Concerto In G Major (1st movement)

	Yundi Li , Piano; Seij - Ravel: Piano Concerto in G maj .mp3

	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Joseph-Maurice Ravel, a French composer and pianist. Born on March 17, 1875 in Ciboure. His works including Miroirs and the famous one-movement orchestral piece, Bolero.

Piano Concerto In G Major is Ravel's first and only piano concerto. This piece consist of three movements: Allegramente, Adagio assai and Presto, following the traditional pattern of fast-slow-fast. Influenced heavily by jazz, which was very popular back then in US as well as in Paris.

"The G-major Concerto took two years of work, you know. The opening theme came to me on a train between Oxford and London. But the initial idea is nothing. The work of chiseling then began. We’ve gone past the days when the composer was thought of as being struck by inspiration, feverishly scribbling down his thoughts on a scrap of paper. Writing music is seventy-five percent an intellectual activity."

(Maurice Ravel)

before Dorothy dropped in

2010-11-14T20:59:00.007+07:00

So much happened before Dorothy dropped in to Oz.

That is the tag line of the Broadway's musical, Wicked. First performed in 2003, this show was a huge success. Soaring the name of Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth, who played The Wicked Witch of The West, Elphaba and Glinda The Good.

This musical is actually based on a novel by Gregory Maguire under the same title. While Broadway focused on Elphaba and Glinda's friendship and how Elphaba became the Wicked, Maguire wrote a biography-alike of the witch, starting from the day she was born.

Elphaba or Elphie or Fabala or Fae was born with father a minister of unionist (more or less like a modern day reverend) and mother a grand daughter of Descended Eminent Thropp, ruler of the Munchkinland. She was born green from head to toe and couldn't get near water. Her sister, Nessarose was a beautiful religious armless girl. While his brother, well let's just say he did not partake much of the story.

Elphaba met Glinda, or Galinda at the time, when she was schooling at Shiz. Under the order of Headmistress Madame Morrible, they were forced to become roommates. They didn't get along, of course. Galinda, a social climber, queen of popularity. While Elphaba was an awkward green living thing.

But perhaps it was Elphaba's idealism of rightness. Perhaps it was Glinda's clear minded. But after series of tragedies, including the death of an Animal professor, Dillamond, and the down of Glinda's caretaker, Ama Clutch, they gradually became best friends.

The girls were the last generation of Oz that had some lectures taught by Animals. These Animals (with capital A) were almost like mankind, except that they looked like animals. During the reign of Wizard of Oz, they were banished from society, forced to be living in country side, along with ordinary animals.

After the funeral of Ama Clutch, both Elphaba and Glinda seek for audience with the Wizard of Oz. Elphaba suspected the death of both the Animal and Ama was linked to Dillamond's hypothesis of the substantial alikeness between human and Animal. They tried to convince the Wizard about Dillamond's work and thus restore the rights of Animals.

But the Wizard wasn't amused. He insisted that evicting Animals from mankind's community was the proper way of living. Elphaba was beyond mad. She vowed to bring the Wizard's down. She then decided not to go back to Shiz with Glinda and stayed in Emerald City of Oz.

Living in disguise, Elphaba always wore her ridiculous cone hat, black gown, and a shawl around her neck to hide her immediately-would-be-recognized green skin. From then on, her destiny as the Wicked Witch of The West was sealed.

The essential difference of musical Wicked and book Wicked was that in the novel, Elphaba is never much of a witch. While Madame Morrible did foresee the three of them (Elphaba, Glinda and Nessarose) to be living with sorceries, Elphaba refused to even learn.

Another difference was musical Wicked seemed to be allocated for general audience, while the book is at least rated PG. From the blur of who's actually fathering Elphaba and Nessarose to Elphaba's own affair with once-classmate-now-married-man, Fiyero.

This affair was also the one to lead Elphaba into make a home out of a Vinikus castle in Kiamo Ko, where she waited for Dorothy to kill her.

It's a series of unfortunate events, what happened to Elphaba. She, of course, had never asked to be born green. As green as sin, some may say. She did not know a thing about sorcery but because of her look and her given magical broomstick, she took the name. Her sister Nessarose was a witch, ruled as a tyrant thus Elphaba's associated with cruelty. She might scare the hell out of Dorothy, even more of the Lion, but all she wanted were the shoes Dorothy wears.

She wouldn't have guessed it was her death people were celebrating so merrily.

So much happen before Dorothy dropped in to Oz. So much about the Wicked Witch of The West we have yet to understand.

coffee civet

2010-11-13T18:01:00.006+07:00

I never much a coffee lover, though I drink it regularly. I don't know the difference between Sumatra or Java or robusta or anything. The only thing I know is that Java Chip Frappucino uses Javan coffee.

So I was thrilled when a friend gave me this famous coffee, Kopi Luwak, from his vacation to Bali. Night after nights the coffee powder remained unconsumed because I wasn't sure how to make a drink out of it. It was about to change this evening.

After mixing it with hot water (yeah, right genius) the coffee's supposed to be ready. I didn't put sugar in it because the packaging says the coffee is better served without sugar. But it's bittttteeerrr..! My.. I spent couple of minutes thinking what I did wrong. Isn't this coffee supposed to taste heavenly? I mean, hello? Price tag??

Finally I gave up. To hell with original taste, sugar's going in. And then... it tasted really good. Seriously. I googled to find some people says Kopi Luwak is almost like a syrup and it tastes 'clean'. It is and does.

Kopi Luwak is probably the most interesting coffee and especially rare because this coffee is actually made from the beans of coffee cherries which come out from civet's other end after they've been eaten. Gross. But enticing.

According to great-grandfather Wikipedia, civet cats eat the cherries from the freshly pulp. In the stomach, enzymatic reaction takes place. Using proteolytic enzyme, the reaction makes shorter peptides and more free amino acid. Then the beans are defecated but still keeping their shape.

Kopi Luwak is also known as the most expensive coffee beans in the world. The civets could only eats certain amount of cherries, then the very morning the coffee farmers have to search for their 'poops' and wash it clean thoroughly.

I remember last semester I took this class, Food Industry. The lecturer once said his opinion about optimizing production of Kopi Luwak. He opted instead of going traditional and depend production on the civets, we could use research on the proper condition of civet's stomach in which the enzymatic reaction of coffee cherries takes place. By knowing the exact enzyme used and temperature of fermentation, we could produce Kopi Luwak without the civets. It also would cut the time and cost and thus multiplying production.

I don't know if this would work. Because for me, the 'magic' of Kopi Luwak lies on the fact that it's actually come out as undigested product of a living civet. While maybe high-tech Kopi Luwak tastes the same as traditional Kopi Luwak, it's lost the romanticism.

Then again, these cute little civets would lose their jobs.

cerita dari Ruang Tengah

2010-10-27T16:52:00.003+07:00

I never thought I could be crying for Iblis. While I may not agree about his choice of song (come on, really? Lenka? Dude!), but this writing by Fahd Djibran really nailed it.

Curhat Setan 2: Just Enjoy The Show!

Satu malam setelah Lebaran, tiba-tiba Tuan Setan datang lagi. Lama sekali kami tak bertemu. Tiba-tiba dia muncul dan membuatku kaget setengah mampus, dia jadi sangat gemuk dan terlihat menyeramkan. Matanya bergerak-gerak, seperti biasa. Senyumnya lebar, dan seperti pada pertemuan-pertemuan sebelumnya, dia mulai menundukkan badannya, memberikan semacam salam penghormatan.

“Hai, lama tak berjumpa!” katanya tiba-tiba, suara khasnya menciutkan keberanianku. Ini kebiasaan yang buruk, kataku dalam hati, menyapa dengan sebuah ‘ledakan’! Lalu ia tersenyum aneh, memperlihatkan seluruh gigi-giginya, “Eit, kenapa kamu jadi ketakutan begitu melihatku, Fahd? Haha, seperti pertama kali saja!” katanya.

Aku beringsut, langkahku surut. “Yang benar saja, muncul dengan tubuh segemuk ini siapa yang nggak kaget!?” kataku. Aku memang agak kesal.

“Hmmm… Apakah aku seseram itu? Sepertinya kamu hanya termakan imajinasimu sendiri tentang aku. Bangsamu memang sialan, seenaknya membuat gambaran menyeramkan tentang bangsaku. Ini keterlaluan! Kalian membuat bangsa kami jadi heran mengapa setan-setan yang kalian buat di kepala kalian sendiri jauh lebih setan dan menyeramkan daripada kenyataannya?”

Ia nampak agak marah, lalu melanjutkan, “Sudahlah, lupakan penampilanku. Tak semua yang kau lihat dengan matamu menunjukkan kenyataannya. Lepasakan pikiran-pikiran buruk dan kecurigaan-kecurigaan, setidaknya untuk sekarang ini… Kau tidak tahu caranya menyambut teman lama? Aku ingin bersenang-senang!”

Lalu ia tertawa dengan suara khasnya. Aku lebih senang menyebutnya ‘meledak’. Mendengar suaranya, kadang-kadang aku berpikir, kenapa aku harus berteman dengan makhluk ini? Meskipun kadang-kadang ia baik, ia tetap menyeramkan!

“Mau menyanyi bersama?” katanya, ia mulai menyadari bahwa aku sedang tidak fokus dan tak cukup senang menyambut kedatangannya. “Ayolah, sambutlah aku sebagai teman… Ikutlah merayakan kebebasanku!”

“Kebebasan?” kataku.

“Ya, setelah sebulan dipenjara!” ia tertawa lepas.

Lalu tiba-tiba sebuah piano besar muncul di hadapannya, dan ia mulai memainkan sebuah lagu.

“Tak usah ragu begitu,” katanya, “ikuti saja iramanya, lalu biarkan seluruh dirimu mengaliri hentakannya—terutama hatimu… Dengarkanlah musiknya, Kawan. Enak bukan?”

Aku mulai mengikuti musiknya. Enak juga, seperti biasa. Meski menyeramkan, ia memang musisi yang handal.

Aku tersenyum. Ia tersenyum.

“Hey, lihat! Kau mulai menari, ayo teruslah begitu, nikmati lagunya!” ia tampak senang melihatku mulai menikmati permaianan pianonya, “Kali ini The Show dari Lenka!” sambungnya.

Dan ia mulai menyanyi.

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

“Lagu ini benar-benar mengingatkanku pada kisahku sendiri. Saat aku merasa tiba-tiba harus berada dalam situasi yang tak kuinginkan. Tiba-tiba Tuhan ingin menciptakan manusia dan menjadikannya pemimpin di muka bumi, lalu aku harus bersujud di hadapannya? Yang benar saja! Ini penghinaan terhadap profesi setan! Jelas aku tidak bisa menerimanya, ini masalah besar… Jelas selama ini akulah anak emas Tuhan, mengapa Ia menginginkan yang lain? Apa yang kurang dari aku?

“Tapi, apalah kuasaku di hadapan medan pertunjukan Tuhan? Aku hanyalah bidak kecil di hadapan kebesaran Sang Maha Dalang! I’m just a little bit caught in the middle! Bahkan “ada”-nya diriku juga tak pernah kukehendaki, Dialah yang menginginkan semuanya. Aku hanyalah bagian dari sistem agung kemahatiba-tibaan-Nya; tiba-tiba aku tercipta, tiba-tiba aku memiliki peran, tiba-tiba aku memiliki hidup, tiba-tiba aku harus menjadi musuh semua sub-sistem kemahatiba-tibaan-Nya, dan segala ketiba-tibaan lainnya.

“Ya, tiba-tiba aku terperangkap di tengah-tengah sebuah sistem agung yang aku sendiri tak mengerti… Sedangkan hidup serupa labirin dan cinta bagaikan teka-teki. Kau tahu, aku menolak bersujud pada manusia sebab aku tak ingin menduakan cintaku pada Tuhan! Hanya Tuhan yang berhak menerima sujudku dan siapapun tak! Adalah kemusyrikan yang terminal sekaligus permanen bagiku jika harus menduakan cinta-Nya… Tetapi cinta memang teka-teki… Ia tetap ngotot memerintahkanku bersujud kepada manusia dan aku tetap tidak mau… aku tak mau meruntuhkan pendirianku sendiri tentang cinta—apalagi kepada-Nya. Di situlah semua sistem mulai menuduhku berkhianat dan membangkang perintah Tuhan, padahal aku tak bermaksud demikian.

“Kau tahu, itu sakit, Itu tidak menyenangkan! Aku jelas marah besar. Aku murka dan meledak; menghina Tuhan dan hidup yang ia ciptakan. Aku menghina semuanya. Aku menganggap bahwa aku bisa lebih baik dari-Nya, dan Dia hanyalah Dalang yang tak becus menangani pertunjukkan. Kau tahu, itulah salahku; aku menghadapi kekerdilanku dengan cara menumbuhkan kesombongan dalam diriku… dan asal kau tahu, kesombongan bagaikan kapal minyak yang besar; sekali ia tersulut api, ia tak akan menunggu lama untuk meledak dan menghancurkan dirinya sendiri.

“Maka, mari kuberitahukan padamu, terimalah semesta kemahatiba-tibaan-Nya sebagai bagaian dari hidupmu. Jika kau memiliki hidup yang membahagiakan, bersyukurlah dengan waspada, sebab di depanmu ketiba-tibaan lain bisa saja menunggu. Jika hidupmu tak cukup baik menurut pendapatmu sendiri, cobalah menerimanya dan teruslah berjalan dengan ketabahan. Tuhan selalu punya rencana lain, kemahatiba-tibaan lain, yang bisa jadi jauh lebih baik daripada kebahagiaan-kebahagiaan yang mampu kaubayangkan sekalipun. Terimalah pertunjukannya… kau memiliki peranmu sendiri, maka mainkanlah sebaik mungkin, biarkanlah Ia yang menilaimu sendiri.

“Bila kau tak kuat menjalaninya, bisikanlah ke dalam hatimu bahwa Ia tak akan memberimu peran yang kau sendiri tak sanggup menjalaninya. Laa yukallifullahu nafsan illa wusy’aha, begitu kata-Nya kira-kira. Jangan seperti aku, melawan-Nya dan tak menerima peran yang Ia berikan untukku. Maka, beginilah aku jadinya… Aku sudah mencoba melawan-Nya, Kawan. Dan beginilah akibatnya. Sendirian, terkucil, dimusuhi secara permanen. Kau tahu bagaimana rasanya? Aku tak mampu menjalaninya. Jika aku mencari teman, aku hanya mencari teman yang berpikiran pendek sepertiku…”

Slow it down, make it stop—
Or else my heart is going to pop
'Cause it's too much
Yeah, it's a lot
To be something I'm not

I'm a fool out of love
'Cause I just can't get enough

“Jika kau menghadapi masalah-masalah dan tekanan-tekanan berat yang kau pikir tak mampu kau hadapi dan kau jalani, berjalanlah melambat. Atau sesekali berhentilah. Ketergesa-gesaan hanya datang dariku dan ketenangan datang dari bisikan nuranimu. Jangan ikuti aku yang tergesa-gesa mengambil kesimpulan menganggap Tuhan begitu jahat menduakan cinta-Nya padaku. Jangan seperti aku yang tergesa-gesa meledak kepada-Nya dan berikrar melenyapkan-Nya dari hidupku. Jangan seperti aku, sebab aku juga tak bisa menjalaninya!

“Berpikirlah tenang, rasakanlah dengan hatimu, lihatlah semuanya dengan jelas… Jika tidak, lihatlah sendiri jika kau tak melakukannya… hatimu akan meledak—seperti aku! Dan kau akan kehilangan semuanya, tak memiliki apapun. Tuhan terlalu besar untuk kau tiadakan, bahkan bukankah Ia sendiri memenuhi seluruh ruang ketiadaan? Sementara itu, hidup terlalu kompleks untuk kau remehkan.

“Tak ada satupun yang bisa memenuhi harapan kita kecuali kita sendiri… Maka, saat kau merasa sedih atau bermasalah, jangan menuduh siapapun—jangan menuduhku. Kembalikanlah pada dirimu sendiri, kau adalah tuan bagi dirimu sendiri. Itulah cara Tuhan menghidupkan pertunjukannya, ia memberimu pilihan-pilihan, kemungkinan-kemungkinan, ketiba-tibaan, dan kau di tengah-tengahnya… fahadaynakum najdayn…

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

I am just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

The sun is hot
In the sky
Just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the signs
And synchronize in time
It's a joke
Nobody knows
They've got a ticket to that show… Yeah

“Saat menyadari kesalahanku dan melihat diriku yang penuh masalah dan dimusuhi banyak orang… kadang aku merasa takut, seperti gadis kecil yang tersesat di tengah hujan. Tetapi penyesalah memang selalu datang belakangan dan kita tak bisa mengulangi keputusan yang telah kita buat. Maka, segeralah bangun dan tersadar, berhentilah membuat keputusan-keputusan buruk dan keliru-keliru, berhentilah membuat keputusan-keputusan emosional-irasional, dan mulailah bekerja membaikkan kualitas diri. Itulah taubat. Lakukanlah selagi mungkin, sebelum semuanya terlambat. Sebab penyesalan selalu datang belakangan; hanya itu caranya menghentikan konsekuensi-konsekuensi buruk dari pilihan-pilihan buruk yang kau ambil. Sebelum semuanya terlambat seperti aku.

“Hidupmu tak ditentukan oleh keramaian, begitu kata Søren Kierkegard, salah satu sahabatku. Jangan membuat pilihan berdasarkan pilihan banyak orang, buatlah pilihan berdasarkan kata hatimu, berdasarkan akal-pikiranmu. Apa yang baik menurutmu, baik bagi hidupmu. Apa yang buruk menurut hati dan pikiranmu, buruk juga bagi hidupmu. Dan lihatlah bagaimana waktu akan membuktikan semuanya… Haha… ini termasuk nasihat untuk jangan mengikuti pendapat dan godaanku tentang sesuatu, timbanglah menurut hati dan pikiranmu sendiri…

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I dont know where to go, can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

I am just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show oh oh oh

Just enjoy the show oh oh oh

“Jika kau sudah melakukan apa yang terbaik bagi hidupmu, jika kau sudah berusaha membaikkan dirimu di hadapan Tuhan, just enjoy the show! Hanya itu yang bisa kau lakukan. Wamaa tasyaa-u illa an-yasyaa-allah… Kenyataannya, di hapadan kehendak Tuhan, kehendak kita tak ada apa-apanya. Maka, nikmati saja pertunjukannya. Barangkali itulah yang disebut sebagai tawakkal. Merebahkan diri di tengah-tengah maha-sistem ketiba-tibaan dan kehendak Tuhan…

“Akhirnya, kita tak diberi kuasa untuk mengetahui apa yang bakal terjadi. Maka, jalani dan nikmati saja pertunjukannya. Jangan seperti aku, yang menyesal seumur hidup dan tak bisa melakukan apa-apa lagi. Kalau boleh dan mungkin, asal kau tahu, sesungguhnya aku ingin mengulangi semua “pertunjukan” ini dari awal. Tetapi tak mungkin. Paling tidak, aku ingin uangku kembali dan memilih duduk manis di depan maha-layar pertunjukkan Tuhan, tetapi tak mungkin… Maka, di tengah ketidakmungkinan itulah aku memilih peranku sendiri sebagai “yang jahat”, “yang hitam”, “yang dimusuhi”, “yang dibenci”, untuk menyempurnakan peranmu sebagai “yang baik”, “yang suci”, “yang disayangi Tuhan”… Dalam kondisi itu, bila dengan pengorbananku saja kau tak bisa belajar dari buruknya masa laluku, betapa bodohnya kamu. Bila kau tak bisa menjadi “sisi baik” dari kepasrahanku menjadi “sisi buruk”, betapa sia-sianya hidupmu… dan betapa sia-sianya pengorbananku…

dum de dum
dudum de dum

Just enjoy the show

dum de dum
dudum de dum

Just enjoy the show

I want my money back
I want my money back
I want my money back

Just enjoy the show

“Terkutuklah kau jika tak menghargai pengorbananku! Cintailah kecintaanku, sebab aku hanya bisa mencintai-Nya dari jauh. Bila sempat, dalam doamu, bisikanlah kepada-Nya bahwa betapa aku masih mencintai-Nya!”

Tuan Setan mengakhiri curhatnya, permainan pianonya mulai melambat, dan suaranya mulai berat. Aku segera tahu bahwa matanya mulai berkaca-kaca. “Bukankah sia-sia hidupmu jika kau tak mencintai Tuhanmu?” katanya, “Betapa ingin aku melakukannya, kau tidak?”

Aku tersentak. Ada debar hebat yang muncul dari dalam dadaku, seperti biasa setiap kali melakukan perbincangan dengannya. Aku terdiam cukup lama saat Tuan Setan terlihat akan pergi. Ia berjalan menjauh dengan langkah terhuyung, meninggalkan aku yang terpaku dalam kebodohan diriku sendiri.

Ia menoleh ke arahku, tersenyum, “Just enjoy the show!” katanya, lalu menghilang.

Aku tak ingin bangun dari tidurku, tetapi tak bisa. Kenyatan begitu kuat menarik diriku kedalam tempat tidurku. Lalu waktu menjadi rapuh dan berantakan, membukakan mataku, menghadirkan kegelisahan baru di hatiku. “Mengapa aku harus berteman dengannya?” kataku dalam hati. “Siapakah Tuan Setan sebenarnya?”

Lamat-lamat, lagu Lenka, The Show, mengalun dari ruang kerja istriku… I'm just a little bit caught in the middle / Life is a maze and love is a riddle / I dont know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried / And I don't know why/ I am just a little girl lost in the moment / I'm so scared but I don't show it / I can't figure it out / It's bringing me down I know / I've got to let it go/ And just enjoy the show, oh oh oh…

…just enjoy the show!

2010-10-17T11:11:00.002+07:00

Suatu hari, lama setelah menonton film indie Cin(T)a, membaca novel Eat Pray Love, melakukan yoga, bicara dengan Tuhan dan shalat, membaca buku Tuhan dan Hal-hal yang Tidak Selesai dan Sejarah dalam 10 1/2 Bab, dan bertanya-tanya kenapa Tuhan ngotot menyuruh Ibrahim untuk menyembelih Ismail... tiba-tiba terlintas begini: Kayaknya Tuhan, nggak meminta untuk disembah dengan satu cara.

Saya ingat salah satu line dari film Cin(T)a: "Kenapa Tuhan menciptakan manusia berbeda-beda, kalau Dia ingin disembah dengan satu cara?" Mungkin nggak sih, kalau Tuhan sebetulnya nggak meminta itu?

Mungkin manusia punya caranya masing-masing dalam menyembah Tuhan. Ada yang nyaman dengan shalat, ada yang nyaman dengan maditasi... Dan mungkin cara-cara itu cuma tool untuk mendekatkan diri dengan Tuhan.

Rasanya hubungan dengan Tuhan adalah hubungan yang sangat pribadi. Cuma dia dan Tuhannya yang mengerti persis hubungan itu. Dan siapa sih orang lain untuk menilai apakah caranya menyembah Tuhan benar atau salah. Kayaknya yang punya hak untuk menilai itu, ya cuma Tuhan.

Dor.

Yasudah lah, lakukan aja menurut keyakinan masing-masing.

Between Opera and Pie

2010-10-16T01:16:00.003+07:00

In any other day, Harvest Cafe should be closing soon. Yet it was Friday night, so the store wouldn't be closed for another two hours.

We sat outside, on the balcony where we could see cars and motorcycles passing along Jalan Djuanda. Michael Buble was playing on the stereo and a waiter with his brown apron took our orders.

I ordered opera cake and she took mushroom pie. Two good friends, talking and ranting and mocking. About jobs, schools, boys, girls, friends, brother... Subjects we could not be tired of. Wait, we should not be tired of.

Laughed at our selves. Laughed at other's naivety. Laughed at prides and broken expectations.

I love challenge and she demands attention. I cross every line just to know how it feels. And she longs for passion, primal as it seems.

We broke others' hearts and got our hearts broken. We cried yesterday and laughed it off on the next day. When we are young and invincible, it feels like we could live forever. So why not enjoy it, before youth runs out like the last bite of opera cake.

Temuan

2010-09-22T09:40:00.001+07:00

Ah, nemu ini di folder yang nggak pernah diotak-atik lagi...

Lebih Jauh, Lebih Dekat

Ketika Charles Darwin mengunjungi Pulau Galapagos di tahun 1835, ia menyadari bahwa burung mockingbird di tiap-tiap pulau merupakan spesies yang berbeda. Hal ini semakin memperkuat keraguannya mengenai kemustahilan makhluk hidup untuk bermutasi. Setahun kemudian dia mencetuskannya dalam Darwin’s Finches, sebuah studi mengenai evolusi pada paruh burung.

Kisah ini mungkin menjadi inspirasi bagi Harper Lee, peraih penghargaan Pulitzer 1961, dalam menulis novel To Kill A Mockingbird. Namun Lee tidak bicara soal sains, melainkan sebuah realita hidup di mana seringkali citra dan praduga membuat orang buta akan kebenaran yang jelas-jelas digelar di depan mata.

To Kill A Mockingbird mengambil latar sebuah kota bernama Maycomb yang berada di negara bagian Alabama, Amerika Serikat. Saat itu, di tahun 1930-an, perlakuan berbeda terhadap orang kulit hitam masih sangat mencolok. Tanpa terkecuali, dalam masyarakat Maycomb yang sebagian besar merupakan golongan konservatif kulit putih.

Cerita ini dituturkan dari sudut pandang gadis berusia 6-8 tahun bernama Scout. Seperti anak seusianya, Scout suka menghabiskan harinya dengan bermain, berusaha mengikuti apa saja yang dilakukan kakak lak-lakinya. Termasuk mengintai rumah Boo Radley, seorang pria yang tidak pernah terlihat keluar rumah sejak bertahun-tahun. Namun hidup Scout berubah ketika ayahnya, Atticus Finch, pengacara terkenal di kota tersebut, secara mengejutkan maju menjadi pembela bagi Tom Robinson, seorang pekerja serabutan kulit hitam.

Robinson dituduh melakukan penyerangan seksual terhadap anak perempuan Bob Ewell. Walaupun mengalami tekanan dari komunitasnya, Finch bertahan membela Robinson. Ia mengumpulkan bukti-bukti yang secara mengejutkan mengarah pada kemungkinan Ewell-lah yang menyerang putrinya sendiri. Meskipun tahu kemungkinannya kecil, Finch berusaha membuat juri melihat kebenaran di balik warna kulit Robinson.

“Ada sebuah tempat di negara ini di mana semua manusia dilahirkan setara. Ada sebuah institusi buatan manusia di mana seorang paling miskin setara dengan Rockefeller, seorang idiot setara dengan Einstein, dan seorang apatis setara dengan semua rektor universitas. Tempat itu, Saudara sekalian, adalah pengadilan,” kata Finch pada pernyataan terakhirnya sebelum juri berunding untuk membuat keputusan. Namun demikian, cap buruk yang dialamatkan pada masyarakat kulit hitam sebegitukuatnya sehingga para juri akhirnya memberikan vonis bersalah pada Robinson.

Dengan pengamatan yang teliti dan gaya yang polos, Scout memperlihatkan paradoks dalam kehidupan masyarakat Amerika saat itu. Kaum kulit putih menganggap kaum minoritas sebagai ‘komunitas tidak berpendidikan dan berbahaya’ karena mereka tinggal di sudut kota yang kumuh, sebagian besar dari mereka bekerja sebagai pembantu, dan tidak bisa baca-tulis. Di sisi lain, ada juga kaum kulit putih dengan ciri-ciri seperti itu, bahkan berkelakuan jauh lebih buruk dibandingkan orang kulit hitam, namun tetap mendapat perlakuan lebih baik. Maka alasan seperti tingkah laku dan kemampuan baca-tulis sebenarnya hanya pembelaan akan tumbuhnya prasangka yang disebabkan oleh perbedaan warna kulit. Prasangka itu seperti suatu keyakinan yang ditanamkan secara turun-temurun sehingga rasanya tidak ada alasan untuk menolak mempercayainya.

Dalam skala berbeda, prasangka juga yang menyebabkan Radley dilarang keluar rumah oleh ayahnya. Sejak bebas dari penjara remaja, Radley hidup dalam kurungan ayahnya yang khawatir Radley akan melakukan tindak kriminal lagi apabila dibiarkan bergaul dalam masyarakat. Pada akhirnya, Radley ternyata pria baik yang sering memberikan hadiah-hadiah kejutan bagi Scout saat gadis itu kebetulan lewat di depan rumahnya. Bahkan dia juga yang menyelamatkan Scout saat gadis itu dan kakaknya diserang oleh Bob Ewell, yang merasa dipermalukan di depan umum oleh Finch.

Para ‘korban’ dalam novel ini dianalogikan Lee sebagai mockingbird. Dalam masyarakat Maycomb, menembak burung penyanyi tersebut adalah kebiasaan dan hobi. Tidak ada seorang pun yang menentang hal itu, kecuali Finch, yang dengan jelas melarang anak-anaknya membunuh mockingbird.

“Mockingbirds tidak melakukan apapun kecuali menyanyikan musik untuk kita nikmati. Mereka tidak memakan tanaman orang, tidak bersarang pada tempat penyimpanan jagung, mereka tidak melakukan apapun kecuali menyanyikan lagu sepenuh hati untuk kita. Itulah sebabnya kita tidak boleh membunuh mockingbird,” begitu kata pengasuh Scout ketika gadis itu meminta penjelasan. Scout kemudian berjanji tidak akan membunuh mockingbird, seperti halnya dia menolak menjadi rasis.

To Kill A Mockingbird adalah novel Lee satu-satunya dan diterbitkan saat ia masih berusia 34 tahun. Melalui buku ini, Lee dianugrahi Presidential Medal of Freedom pada tahun 2007 silam. To Kill A Mockingbird merupakan salah satu karya paling berpengaruh di seluruh dunia dan kini menjadi salah satu bacaan wajib bagi sekolah menengah AS.

Lima puluh tahun setelah pertama kali buku ini diterbitkan, patut disyukuri masyarakat telah mengalami kemajuan besar dalam hal perbedaan rasial. Namun, seperti kata Darwin, mockingbird memiliki spesies berbeda di masing-masing pulau. Ada banyak Robinson dan Radley dengan permasalahan sendiri-sendiri. Untuk itu, kita harus melihat lebih jauh melewati prasangka, untuk bisa melihat lebih dekat orang di depan kita. Jangan sampai membunuh mockingbird, Finch bilang itu dosa.

demineralized water for coffee

2010-09-19T11:01:00.002+07:00

People, please... Just because H2O is the chemical structure of water, doesn't mean H2O is the actual water we drink everyday. Perhaps they want to look smart by putting word H2O instead of hot water, but it only proved their sotoyness.

What? They wanted to say that I have to buy demineralized water to make this coffee?

morning soup for soul

2010-09-18T09:21:00.005+07:00

I once truly believed that one should not make other as the center of one's life. That one should not make other as one's reason to do everything. That one should not make other as one's final achievement.

Because things change. People change.

What if you're trying to succeed just to impress this girl, then you soon find her cheating on you? Doesn't all the achievement mean nothing now that you don't have any reason to keep going? What if you depend completely on your partner and then one day he's gone? Doesn't the world feel like it's ending? That you are entirely completely hopelessly alone now that you're losing your once solid ground?

Then this conversation occured.

When I told this guy about those, he said: What about soul mate then? If I love someone so dearly and she cheated on me, there must be something wrong about my judgement. If I love someone so dearly and she's gone, then I will be broken. But that's not going to stop me from giving her all I can, because she'll be my everything.

What he said to me had shaken up my whole point of view about my relationship with other people, though. I was never an all-out girl. There's something in the back of my mind that stops me from giving it all. I think the word is pride. I can hear J.Lo singing 'all my pride is all I have...' already. But probably it's just fear.

Strange thing about love is the more you give the happier you are. Love is something you feel inside, the ones you love can only feel love that is radiating from you. So if you want love, start loving. Love this morning, love your family, love your friends. Love them completely. Their love for you is their feelings. But the feeling when you're fallling in love, when you're hugging a friend, when you're watching TV with your family is truly yours. Love never hurts as no one really dies of a broken heart.

He must be shaking his head if he read this, thinking: hey, that's not my idea of love at all! Well, I kind of processing people's thoughts and ideas and sometimes come up with agreement or denial or whole different meaning.

I still believe that one should not make other as the center of one's life. That one should not make other as one's reason to do everything. That one should not make other as one's final achievement.

Because I think there's more to live.

What about soul mate, you say? Err... I don't know. Yes, some say you're not quite your whole self before you find your other half. But there are many, men and women, who'd rather spend their life without a spouse or even partner. And they're calm and happy. You still think they can not fly without the other wing? Because I know lots of people who fly on their own. Like mother Theresa. Or Isa (Jesus). Or my Aunt.

Indah said: It's not fair that you can only be yourself within the precence of someone else. Soul mate is what comes from inside you. Your personal achievement. Like Darwin and his theories. Like Newton and his apple.

(You see? I'm surrounded by great people and great books. And now as I'm writing down in my laptop, eating Happy Toss and sipping cappuccino, I can see great morning outside my window. Right here, right now, life is a bliss.)

Anyway, the problem about the word soulmate is that everyone seems to have their own definitions, and everyone claims that theirs are the right ones.

Lately I've been carrying novel Eat Pray Love like a devoted nun treats the bible. And here's its (or rather, Richard from Texas') definition of soulmate:

People think soulmate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important people you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with one? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it.

My mom said that when he married my dad, she wasn't sure that she loves him (despite their 5 years in relationship). She just went with the flow and when it's time they should be married, they just did. And one thing that crossed my mind when she told me this was: 'Emak gue nggak romantis.'

But hey, would it be matter? They're still going strong until now. They still do all the lovey dovey things. They still respect each other. They still complain and grumble about each other, of course, but very rarely be mad. My dad adores my mom, and she is devoted to him. And I bet if I ask her is he her soul mate she would go with: I don't know, what is soul mate anyway?

Perhaps soul mate is just something people make up to assure themselves that they will not have to spend a lifetime being alone.

Perhaps, like a faint voice that is always bugging me for quite some time now, soulmate is the presence of God within you?

senyum senyum sendiri

2010-09-14T20:15:00.003+07:00

Waktu lagi sedih, rasanya sulit buat nemuin hal-hal yang bisa bikin kita tersenyum. Tapi coba ya, waktu pikiran dan hati lagi tenang, ada luar biasa banyak hal yang bisa disyukuri dari hari ini. :)

Saya bersyukur untuk buku Eat Pray Love, dua gelas cappuccino malam ini, semua artis yang telah menyanyikan lagu-lagu di playlist saya, Canada's Next Top Model, internet, Ibu yang paling saya sayang di dunia, Ayah dan kedua adik saya, treadmill, rumah, mobil, laptop, hujan, kesehatan, kehidupan, pengelihatan, malam, siang, pendengaran, onion ring, terigu... *makin lama makin absurd*

Saat-saat yang paling saya suka adalah saat saya merasa bahagia tanpa alasan (hope it ain't sign of insanity). Contentment. Saat saya tiba-tiba bisa merasa grateful atas simple things dan membuat saya senyum-senyum terus tanpa alasan (again, I hope it ain't sign of insanity).

Anyway, sejauh ini, ada dua paragraf dalam Eat Pray Love yang paling menarik jari saya untuk mengutip. Nggak jelas juga kenapa. Padahal membaca buku ini nggak membuat saya kepingin melakukan crazie escapade ke Itali.

Luigi Barzini, in his 1964 masterwork The Italians (written when he'd finally grown tired of foreigners writing about Italy and either loving it or hating it too much), tried to set the record straight on his own culture. He tried to answer the question of why the Italians have produced the greatest artistic, political and scientific minds of the ages, but have still never become a major world power. Why are they the planet's masters of verbal diplomacy, but still so inept at home government? Why they so individually valiant, yet so collectively unsuccessful as an army? How can they be such shrewd merchants on the personal level, yet such inefficient capitalist as a nation?

His answers to these questions are more complex than I can fairly encapsulate here, but have much to do with a sad Italian history of corruption by local leaders and exploitation by foreign dominators, all of which has generally led Italians to draw the seemingly accurate conclusion that nobody and nothing in this world can be trusted. Because the world is so corrupted, misspoken, unstable, exaggerated and unfair, one should trust only what one can experience with one's own senses, and this makes the senses stronger in Italy than anywhere in Europe. This is why, Barzini says, Italians will tolerate hideously incompetent generals, presidents, tyrants, professors, bureaucrats, journalists and captains of industry, but will never tolerate incompetent "opera singers, conductors, ballerinas, courtesans, actors, film directors, cooks, tailors..." In a world of disorder and disaster and fraud, sometimes only beauty can be trusted. Only artistic excellence is incorruptible. Pleasure cannot be bargained down. And sometimes the meal is the only currency that is real.

lingering

2010-09-14T18:39:00.005+07:00

They say if you want to see the rainbow, you'll have to bear with the rain. But this particular rainbow just appeared in the sky, once upon an Idul Adha (if I remember correctly), along with no rain.

It's a full circle around the sun. But it seems like diameter of the rainbow itself was too big for my little pocket camera to capture whole of it.

saya suka hari ini :)

2010-09-09T11:59:00.006+07:00

Saya sedang baca Eat, Pray, Love oleh Elizabeth Gilbert dan The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets' Nest oleh Stieg Larsson. Dua buku yang super sangat bertolak belakang. Dan sejauh ini.. super sangat suka dua-duanya. :D

Akhirnya KP selesai dan bawaannya senang melulu. Hahaha.. Morning playlist hari ini:

Extraordinary - Mandy Moore

Put Your Records On - Corrine Bailey Rae

Moon River - Audrey Hepburn

True Colors - Cindy Lauper

Sunshine - Gabrielle

Ordinary Miracle - Sarah McLachlan

A Love That Will Last - Renee Olstead

Fireflies - Owl City

Fools Like Me - Lisa Loeb

Happy - Leona Lewis

Let's Start From Here - Joanna Wang

Mind Trick - Jamie Cullum

Last Week In Bogor

2010-08-29T12:54:00.010+07:00

Last Friday I went to Bogor for high school Bukber. Quite a lot of people came. It's actually nice to meet up with long-time-no-see friends. Although sometimes it's kind of awkward trying to mingle with those I haven't had a single contact with for the last four years. That and meeting up with the ex es.

Buuuut.., the best part was the main-kembang-api-malem-malem-di-lapangan-Sempur. God, I love fireworks!

Most of the photographs with fireworks in it were unfocused. Gio said it was probably because of the shutter speed or whatever.

Don't worry Cinderella, Fairy God Mother here. Along with her sparkling magic wound. (Taken by camera-phone, it's blurry.)

after How I Met Your Mother

2010-08-23T23:25:00.007+07:00

Life is like scrapbook making. Once we finish with one picture, we'll move to another. You jump into the moment, you screw things up. Like having a very bad picture of yourself-drooling-on-the-bus taken. But eventually, you'll pick up the mess you made and fix it. Days are gonna be bright again. Love's gonna find you again. And you just know, right in the moment, that no matter what, you're gonna be okay.

Life is not about making the right decision. Sometimes, life means you just have to listen to your heart and do it. Go ahead and make mistakes. Even if you need to cry, just to feel. Do something stupid. Make your life worth living. Live your dreams. Be happy. You deserve it.

Things need time to fall into place. You met someone and fell in love. You thought she/he was the one, but turned out things didn't go as it's planned. Then you met someone else and thought you share a lot of traits and find comfort in what you're doing together. Only to find she/he was not the one, either. Over and over, you fly and fall and rise again.

Sometimes you have to go alone. Cutting off all contacts. Then when you meet that someone again, turns out you can already make jokes about your previous little affair. You can talk and be friends, just like the way you should've been.

We're all like a tennis ball. The harder we fall, the higher we soar.

Maybe these dramas were meant to happen just to be learned. Because you need to sort things out, make priorities, before you're ready to settle down. Your feelings might get mixed up between love and lust and simple affection. We hug each other. We cry in each other's arms. Just because we're friends. Don't force yourself to do what you don't want to do. Don't push your heart into feeling what it doesn't feel.

All would be beautiful just in the right time. We forgive. We forget. We go on with our lives. And before we know it, we're already adults. Ready for new episode.

the unknown said..

2010-08-23T11:47:00.002+07:00

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt.

Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. You just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts.

Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.

tentang marmut

2010-08-19T08:31:00.003+07:00

Gue baru baca buku terakhirnya Raditya Dika, Marmut Merah Jambu. Gue masih nggak ngerti apa hubungannya marmut sama buku ini. Mungkin karena isi bukunya kali ini kebanyakan tentang cinta, jadi suasananya merah jambu. Nggak ngerti deh.

Eniwei, gue nggak pernah terlalu suka sama Raditya Dika ini. Awalnya gue baca 'Kambing Jantan' dan memang sukses membuat gue ketawa sendiri malam-malam. Tapi kemudian buku dengan konsep yang sama bermunculan dan si Raditya Dika ini kayaknya nggak maju-maju dengan novel-novelnya. Dan gue juga nggak suka dengan dia yang suka ngatain orang alay (masih nggak sih?).

Waktu gue ke toko buku terakhir kali, gue liat si Marmut Merah Jambu ini. Iseng, gue baca depannya. Niatnya to get a little laugh sambil nunggu adek gue beli cartridge buat printer. Tapi ternyata bukunya beda dengan yang sebelum-sebelumnya. Dan untuk pertama kalinya gue menilai tulisan dia bagus. Seperti, kali ini dia memang punya suatu ide untuk disampaikan.

Mungkin cinta memang bahasa yang paling universal, bahkan untuk orang yang terkenal dengan lifestory-nya yang aneh dan absurd. Di salah satu bagian buku ini dia cerita tentang pertemuan dengan soulmate. Bagaimana alam semesta bisa berkonspirasi supaya dua orang bisa ketemu.

Lucu. Nyokap gue juga pernah bilang begitu. She said: 'If one day you find somebody you love and loves you back, hold it dear. Because there are three billion people in this world and to find one that fits you like two pieces of puzzle... Isn't it miraculous?'

It is, indeed.

like a sitcom

2010-08-15T17:18:00.002+07:00

Ada dua hal yang paling nggak saya suka di dunia selain perang: konfrontasi dan perpisahan. Saya nggak suka harus menangis atau marah atau sedih. I have this strange idea of living a life like a sitcom. Maksudnya, hidup yang sederhana, penuh ketawa, ceria, kalau ada masalah pun bisa diselesaikan dalam setengah jam slot waktu tayangnya.

Bisa kan ya hidup begitu ya? *ngarep*

phone calls

2010-08-04T00:22:00.003+07:00

You bent your body on your bed. Like a child, you held your knees and closed your eyes. You're praying for this silence to break, for this pain on your chest to disappear. You still had your BlackBerry in your palm. You opened your eyes, lifted your hand in front of your head, and stared at that smartphone for a whole five minutes. Hesitated.

You finally lowered your hand, closed your eyes again and let the phone slipped from your hand and onto the bed.

City lights of Melbourne westward looked intensively amazing through your apartment window. It's like the city had been wrapped by a golden chain. You could even see the sparkling diamonds of West Gate Bridge near the horizon. If only you were willing to take a couple steps toward your window, opened it, and let the night wind of Melbourne softly caress your face, you'd hear me whisper: "Why don't you pick up your phone?"

You stayed put. Wished the warmth of your bed would calm the coldness of your surrounding. It didn't take long, you tossed and turned. As if trying to figure out the best position of sleeping. But loneliness for you, never been the greatest lullaby. Your hands searching for a phone underneath the blanket that was hugging your body from toe to shoulder. But as your fingers touched the phone screen, again, you hesitated. I was watching and praying. That this time you would pick up your phone.

You don't have to be alone, I would want to say. Because we could make it work, if only you give it a chance. But your ears always turned deaf every time I said those. It's like you already closed the door that's not even half opened.

You still wouldn't pick up your phone.

This time you sat up and sighed heavily. You're just sick and tired of this situation. All this silence and loneliness that ate you alive, piece by piece. You would want to say it's enough. You wanted to scream and cry even only for two minutes. You needed warm body to hold you close. Feeling the other's life energy seeping through your skin. To remind you that you, too, a human being. And I guessed my voice was never enough.

They said when you focused on one thing, the rest became unseen. It happened to you. Cause you saw only possibilities. You stopped believing in faith and blame it to fate. You didn't want to be hurt, you said. Stop it. Before it's too late and irreversible. But still you're alone, felt utterly small beneath the big sky of Victoria.

Finally you put your blanket aside, rather roughly. It's enough, you decided. You got up from your bed and headed to a desk beside the closet, almost like running. You grabbed your car key and rushed for the front door. Not even bothered to put on a jacket. It's a mid January night; the weather was still warm even when it's almost ten at the evening.

Suddenly you stopped, remembered something had been forgotten. You walked back toward your bedroom and saw white-cased BlackBerry on your bed, half covered by a pillow. You grabbed it and, again, stared at it. You always hated chickens, now you're cursing yourself for becoming one of them. You pressed the bottom and searched for a name on your phonebook. But instead of dialing, you canceled and put the phone back onto your pocket.

You had decided something and you would not change your mind. You never did. Even when it came back crushing you. What's done, done. And I hated, as well as I loved, you for that.

You walked out of your room and headed to the front door of your small, one bedroom apartment. You opened the door and stepped outside. Then you closed and locked the door behind you. Never once looking back.

While I could only stared at the silhouette of your back... slowly faded as one door closed.

deary

2010-07-24T17:12:00.006+07:00

Dear heart,
haven't you had enough
of traveling across the sky
come back again
beaten down
like a broken child?

Dear heart,
haven't you got tired of hoping
hit the lightning
only to find a corner
yet again
with no happy end?

Dear heart,
did you really think
that love is
the answer to your every prayer?

Dear heart,
if one should fall
should it be this hard
to get up?

Dear heart,
when letting go is not an option
why don't you hate
just to be angry at everything
and lose yourself in misery
until you feel like numb
uncharacteristically stoic?

Dear heart,
could you pretend to be asleep once again
and not notice the chain
just to have love stay
once again.. after the rain?

Class of 2006

2010-07-17T11:13:00.004+07:00

I don't want to make promise I can't fulfill. To remember you. To always be close.

Perhaps only few of us will stay in touch. Perhaps, as our hair turns gray, you and me will be lost in a haze of memory.

But while we still have the chance, I want to stay and hold your hands. Lay my head on your shoulder just like we often do. Drive our way to sunset.

Hours from now we will be parted. Each of us will be heading to different directions, reaching for different places.

And we will be okay.

Life has much to offer. And sometimes, it takes goodbye for a price.

Happy graduation day. Will be missing you. :)

note:
Perhaps I'm indeed good at romanticing situation. Quite number of people asking me if there's any special person I was refering through this post. Well, there were. For my good friends, Chemical Engineering Class of 2006.

a second best

2010-07-13T21:51:00.002+07:00

When she giggled he would smile, put his hand on top of her head. They would laugh over movies, over his favourite songs, over life.

'Don't love me,' he whispered. 'Doesn't matter if I do, just don't love me.'

She would cry and he would stay.

Because when they parted and went home, between phone calls and texts, she was never belong in his life.

And the kisses were not shared between true lovers. A shodow of someone else's presence.

Perhaps because she could not find tears in confused heart. Thus she told him, 'I'm afraid you would hate me.'

He would laugh and say, 'Silly girl. You are special.'

Only so she could smile.

Tomorrow there will be only forgive and forget. Tomorrow there will be no space for complique. Tomorrow he will be different and she will change.

Maybe someday she'll no longer be a second best.

I'd rather go for beach...

2010-07-12T17:43:00.002+07:00

These past couple days I got a chance to pretend to become a working lady. Go for work on 7 am then be back home before 6 pm.

I realize, I am so not an office worker material.

I'd rather go for crowds, taking pictures. Or stay on the beach, reading a book. Or go to a cafe, writing anything. Or go for movies. Or ride a bike across Lippo Cikarang. Or knitting.

But college is sweetly annoying as it is. I have to work on a plant, 6 days equivalent to 40 hours per week.

And no, they don't even give me free jelly.

*deep breath*

But whining and complaining will never do me good. Two months is not that long, after all.

I'll hang on.

who's afraid of the big bad wolf?

2010-07-09T23:22:00.004+07:00

A wolf stared at the rabbit and said: "Come my dear, come to my house. I will cook you a very delicious carrot soup."

The rabbit stared back and thought. He already knew this wolf. A big bad wolf. But the rabbit was very hungry, and this time the wolf seemed kind.

"Don't hesitate, Child... Come inside!" the wolf said again.

The rabbit then came into the house of the wolf. The wolf did serve the rabbit a very delicious carrot soup. A lot of it, in fact. Until the rabbit could barely walk for his stomach was too full.

The wolf smiled sheepishly at the sight of the rabbit. A very fat rabbit with soft fur and tender meat.

The rabbit became very sleepy, so that he fell asleep on the floor of the wolf's house.

The wolf grabbed a very big knife on his kitchen set and... WHOOOSS!! Slaughtered the rabbit on the neck.

So it's probably not quite a children's tale.

Kids should stay away from big bad wolves.

sickening melancholy of 'good-luck'

2010-07-06T09:37:00.004+07:00

When hands were lifted to shake and wave. When light squeeze on the shoulder were given. When bear hugs were shared. When the kiss on the cheek were exchanged. When the night's come to an end.

We parted. Each now on its own.

When it comes to mystery, life is the master and I'm in misery. Guessing, assuming, calculating... I've never been good in math. We probably will meet again. Life probably will twist everything to final end.

This July, I hate goodbyes.

moon river

2010-05-27T00:43:00.002+07:00

Moon river wider than a mile

I'm crossing you in style someday

Oh the dream maker

You heart breaker

Wherever you're going I'm going your way

Two drifters off to see the world

There's such a lot of world to see

We're after the same rainbow's end

Waiting round the bend

My huckleberry friend

Moon river and me...

manja

2010-05-26T23:40:00.003+07:00

Sesuatu menghampiri gue waktu lagi baca blog-nya pacar (?) nya temen gue. Sesuatu itu adalah... pemikiran bahwa: kok hidup gue biasa banget ya?? Hahaha.. Mungkin gue kurang melihat segala sesuatu dari perspektif yang unik. Mungkin gue terlalu bebal untuk berempati. Mungkin gue kurang bersyukur. Mungkin gue kurang nekat.

Kadang-kadang, saat ditimpa suatu masalah, orang cenderung menganggap masalahnya itu paling penting sedunia. Bahwa dia sekarang lagi menjalani cobaan maha berat. Tapi kalo dilihat lagi sekitar kita, masalah itu nggak ada apa-apanya.

Tugas banyak. Deadline rancangan dimajuin jadi bareng sama deadline laporan TA. Terus heboh. Ngeluh sana-sini. Mungkin di suatu tempat ada yang berujar dalam hati: yaelaaahh... Masalah percintaan, ada yang diselingkuhin, ada yang jadi selingkuhan, ada yang nggak bisa lepas dari mantan... Look around. It happens all the time. Banyak kok yang mengalami hal itu. Cerita hidup yang kita pikir berat, nggak ada istimewa-istimewanya ternyata.

Mungkin ini ego kita, yang harus merasa penting. Seolah-olah dunia dan segala permasalahannya cuma berpusat pada 'gue'. Ditekan sedikit langsung merasa sedang diterpa badai ujian dari Yang Maha kuasa.

Mungkin ini saatnya kita sadar kalo kita itu nggak istimewa. Bahwa masalah kita nggak lebih penting daripada masalah orang lain. Hidup kita nggak lebih susah daripada hidup orang lain. Jangan manja lah.

Gasibu, Bandung

2010-05-24T20:53:00.012+07:00

Okay, maybe I am that kind of girl who could be easily turned into liking something so easily. I'm currently in love with The Sartorialist. I loooove how the world seems so exciting, unique and happy in his photographs. So last Sunday, me and Gio went to flea market in Gasibu, Bandung and took some pictures.

Gasibu in Sunday morning is more like weekly festival than a flea market, though. You can find anything from culinary to clothes to accessories to horse! Sure it's a hell of traffic, but once we blend in, it's actually a great weekly event.

And girls gone shopping...

love in trial

2010-05-16T18:00:00.002+07:00

Barusan saya nonton berita di TV (setelah bolak-balik pindah channel dan memutuskan tidak jadi nonton Upin dan Ipin). TVOne sedang menampilkan berita kerusuhan di Bangkok. Saya jadi ingat kerusuhan di Jakarta lebih dari sepuluh tahun lalu dan mengira-ngira mana yang lebih buruk, chaos di Indonesia atau di Thailand. Bukannya itu sesuatu yang penting juga sih.

Waktu reformasi '98 saya masih SD. Untungnya keluarga orangtua saya tinggal di Bogor, hitungannya relatif aman lah. Pembakaran dan penjarahan seingat saya tidak sampai ke Bogor. Namun berita-berita di TV saat itu cukup meneror orang-orang dewasa, sehingga begitu ada kabar akan ada demonstrasi, sekolah-sekolah pasti diliburkan.

Sebagai anak kecil rasanya saya juga tidak begitu terganggu dengan keadaan saat itu. Saya juga tidak mengerti kenapa waktu itu mahasiswa berbondong-bondong ke Senayan dan menduduki DPR/MPR. Saya cuma tahu saat itu kalau Soeharto itu sudah terlalu lama jadi presiden, jadi harus lengser. Saya juga ingat sedikit-sedikit berita tentang kematian mahasiswa saat demo, penjarahan, gedung-gedung dibakar... Baru akhir-akhir ini saya mendengar tentang peristiwa pemerkosaan dan pembunuhan etnis Tionghoa di Indonesia.

Yah, balik lagi ke kerusuhan Thailand, waktu saya melihat beritanya, saya agak bertanya-tanya mungkin tidak ya, kejadian yang sama terjadi lagi di Indonesia. Saya pikir tidak sih. Indonesia, dari pengamatan saya yang tidak bisa dibilang mengamati dengan seksama juga, sudah jauh lebih berkembang di tahun-tahun belakangan ini. Jadi saya cukup yakin clash antar rakyat ini tidak akan terjadi di Indonesia. Eh, tapi kemudian setelah berita tentang Thailand muncul berita selanjutnya yaitu 'warga menyerang supporter Persija', terjadinya di Cikampek. Haduh.

Saya masih yakin sih kalau chaos yang sangat parah tidak akan terjadi lagi, setidaknya tidak dalam waktu dekat-dekat ini. Saya merasa Indonesia sekarang semakin bersatu. Mungkin ini efek Thomas Cup yang jadi trending topic di Twitter. Ah, saya jadi mikir mungkin kemudahan komunikasi saat ini (twitter, blog, facebook) juga ikut membangun kebersamaan yang lebih luas. Maksud saya, dengan Twitter saja orang-orang kan jadi ngeh kalau banyak orang yang mendukung Indonesia, dan itu membuat kita merasa memiliki koneksi satu sama lain sebagai warga negara. Yah, itu satu teori.

Eniwei, saya ingat waktu melihat berita tentang Thailand beberapa minggu yang lalu bersama sepupu saya. Waktu itu diperlihatkan massa yang menyerang polisi. Dia bilang, "Ini berarti negara mengadu rakyatnya sendiri. Polisi kan rakyat juga."

Sedih ya. Negara tidak mampu melindungi rakyatnya sendiri, di negeri sendiri.

Alasan dari kerusuhan dan clash kan biasanya perbedaan. Perbedaan pandangan, perbedaan cara, perbedaan ini dan itu. Pemerintah yang berkuasa di Thailand maunya ini, kaus merah maunya itu. Kalau di Indonesia sekarang mungkin adalah perbedaan ideologi. Lebih gawat sih, karena itu kan yang jadi dasar pembentukan satu negara. Mereka yang diklaim sebagai teroris mau mengubah Pancasila menjadi hukum, yang katanya, Islam. Untungnya di Indonesia masih banyak yang percaya Pancasila, masih banyak yang menghargai perbedaan, dan masih banyak yang ingin hidup tenang.

Mungkin untuk menuju sesuatu yang besar kita memang harus melewati pahit-pahitnya dulu. Kan katanya kalau kita berhasil melewati yang buruk-buruk bersama ikatannya jadi lebih kuat. Amerika Serikat pernah melewati Civil War antara utara dan selatan, warga Jerman keturunan Yahudi pernah mengalami pembantaian NAZI, revolusi Perancis memenggal rajanya, ratunya, dan bahkan pemimpin revolusinya, Jepang dan restorasi Meiji, dan seterusnya... Bahkan Korea. Walaupun yang ini 'berantem'-nya berakhir dengan 'putus'-nya Korea Utara dan Korea Selatan.

Jadi mungkin segala sesuatunya terjadi untuk membuat kita jadi lebih baik. Kalau bukan untuk hari ini, ya besok. Atau minggu depan. Atau bulan depan. Atau tahun depan. Atau... yah, kapan pun itu saat kita berhasil mengerti pelajarannya.

as I know

2010-05-12T19:06:00.002+07:00

I feel like I would hate adult world. Adult problems. Adult misery. Well, I suppose no one can help it. But sometimes I wish time would go a little slower. That certain things could linger a little longer. That change would not rush so fast.

As much as it annoys me, I know it's better to let things the way they are. Just do what is worth at present. Future is too unpredictable and all I have is here and now.

Que sera, sera. Face it, accept it, live with it.

some of us

2010-04-18T23:43:00.007+07:00

I've read couple books about wars. Mostly about World War II. Aside the fact that they're all fiction, those books show a glimpse of heartaches of the people involved. What was the purpose of war itself, I guess I could never understand. More like a sick game for terribily sick minds. I don't know how could men ever find this twisted idea of massacre as a way to gaining/maintaining world peace.

The Street of A Thosand Blossoms was a beautiful story about how Japanese cope during and after World War II. How was it like having your life turned upside down in one night? Having not the slightest to really understand the situation you're in.

Most of all are just ordinary people. One of millions of citizens of a country. What's it like to put your life, your everything on the hand of a country that cannot defend your being? How frustrating. How helpless. We all just try to survive, in our own way. Some works from 8 am to 5 pm a day, trying to earn some decent payment. Some manipulates others to gain even bigger cash. Some steals or robs. Some takes it the easy way and begs on the street, taking advantage of other's good intention. Some betrays her country, some hides beneath the mask of his honor and loyalty.

The Piano Teacher spoke it all. Defenseless state and survivals. It was the last book I read and I finished it in one day. As if I have no better-urgent things to do except locking up my room a whole day. But this book is THAT good. It's flowing, like I actually was watching a movie. Surprisingly not boring at all. I think the author did very well with the plot. It's rather funny in the beginning with such angsty-twisted ending.

The story is about Claire Paddleton, an English woman, who lived in HongKong because her husband was transferred there. Long story short, she soon began to develop an affair with a chauffeur of the rich family she's working on. This affair then led to the unrevealing of tragedies during the invation of Japan to HongKong.

I can see a little bit clearer of why HongKong loaths Japan. It's only friction of the whole war thing, and it's already unforgivably cruel. And to think that HongKong was invaded only because it was a British colony... I wonder if the Queen could sleep soundly at night during this period. So many people had to suffer and struggle, all because of one man say: "Let's bring this on!"

Who is the moron who said 'don't ask your country what it can do for you, but ask yourself what you can do for your country' anyway? Geez, some of us just want to live in peace and enjoy life as it is.

Anyway, back to the book. The writing style is too much American-like, in my opinion. A tiny-weeny intriguing as it's supposed to be a story about the affair of England and China. I don't do well with movies. My definition of good movie goes around 'The Devil Wears Prada' and 'Sex and The City'. But I'm really into books. And this one is a highly recommended.

the invention of God

2010-04-16T13:02:00.005+07:00

I just watched The Invention of Lying and couldn't help myself but thinking that it was actually a man's disbelief in the existance of God and happy end. I guess it went deeper than just a comedy.

This movie basically about a man who had ability to lie when everyone else did not. Hell, they didn't even have the word 'lie' in their dictionary. It was a place when what came out from one's mouth was more believable than computer's data.

There's no 'I love you' when you don't really mean it. No 'it's not you, it's me'. In fact, Jen Garner in this movie said blatantly that she wanted to be married only with handsomely rich guys so she could breed to genetically-excellent offsprings.

This was this scene, where Mark's mom was dying and she looked very distress on the prospect of living in non-existance for eternity. Then Mark said, thanks to his lying ability, that she wouldn't. She would go to a place where there is no sadness, no pain. A place when you finally would meet again with those ones you loved. A peaceful place where everybody would get a mansion of their own.

A place we know as heaven. But of course, in this alternate world the concept 'heaven' and 'hell' did not exist. Because no one was able to tell lies.

The 10 amendments did not exist. God, or 'man in the sky' as he called it, did not exist. They were created by Mark, the only guy who could lie.

I don't think this movie was about opposing the existance of God, though. Simply to state that people somehow need lies. To give them hope that there would, eventually, be a happy end. To protect them from the harsh of reality. To tell that fat boy with snub nose that there was indeed something good in him. Then, who knows, maybe lies do come true.

This is what happened when…

2010-04-05T22:01:00.004+07:00

…Devy watched too much Asian Food Channel in Sunday morning. She apparently did not take it for granted when her parents left home for a big family gathering, leaving behind their curious yet not-so-much-a-cooking-material daughter.

I looked upon some Rachael Ray’s and AFC’s recipes. I settled on chicken and began to read. But then we didn’t have some of those ingredients at home, like tequila and never-heard-about-it herbs. So I decided to improvise.

I honestly didn’t know what I was going to cook. I took chicken breast and prawn out of the refrigerator. And I remembered I read something about lemon juice on Rachael Ray’s recipe. But since we didn’t have it at home, I went outside and pick a fresh lemon from the house yard. Yeah. That kind of made me feels like I was living in a country side. Oh, and the bright side of me-picking-lemon-all-by-myself-for-the-first-time was that I finally realized that lemon plant does have thorns all over the twigs! How cool… I thought only roses have thorns.

Back to the cooking thing. I then put the prawns and chickens in a bowl, squeezed the lemon and -for some strange prophecy- poured cinnamon powder over the meals. Mean while, I thought that I would need some vegetables and found organic carrots and frozen vegetables in the refrigerator.

I like the feeling when I just put whatever things on the frying pan. And I’m not quite sure of what I was cooking but… at least it was edible. *grin*

Note: My sister also ate it and she said it was fine. So no, it wasn’t poisonous.

The way it goes

2010-03-30T09:06:00.004+07:00

I was wondering alone in front of my laptop. The night is getting old and it's silence surrounding me whole. Caught between what I thought and what I felt.

There are things you need to experience first before you can understand. Of how life goes and what it means. Of where fate leads and what it brings. And in some point of that journey, you can finally say: it's okay. This world is not meant to be perfect. You are not meant to get everything you want.

I drifted away... I have blamed them, her, him. I have blamed me. But still I couldn't find peace in the black sheep. So for almost too long time, I finally embrace reality and take life as it is.

There got to be reasons for everything. There got to be greater good in the further of your going.

Make believe. Someday I will understand.

say it with...

2010-03-08T20:43:00.004+07:00

Habis nonton I Hate Valentine's Day. Kalo meminjam istilahnya Aji sih itu namanya 1,5 jam yang menghibur.

Gue pengen nonton sesuatu yang lebih nggak predictable dan obvious deh. The Break-Up, lumayan. Devil Wears Prada dan It's Complicated, bagus. Gue kayaknya jatuh cinta sama Meryl Streep. Tapi memang genre film gue itu yang simple dan predictable deh. Buktinya Paris, Je T'aime masih nongkrong di atas meja. Gue nggak berani nonton.

Gue nggak suka nonton film yang membangkitkan emosi berlebih. Kayak The Revolutionary Road. Atau 500 Days of Summer. Atau Love at The Times of Cholera. Pokoknya kalau yang dari covernya aja udah keliatan seperti drama dengan banyak air mata, gue males.

I settle with The Princess and The Frog and Alice in Wonderland, thank you very much.

Menurut gue, nonton itu untuk menghibur gue. Nonton Spongebob Squarepants menghibur. Nonton SAW jelas tidak. Apalagi film-film yang bikin nangis. Nonton itu untuk dihibur, bukan dibikin nangis.

No offense untuk orang-orang yang suka dibikin nangis sama film, though.

Ada orang-orang yang bisa ngambil makna dari film. Like what the movie maker want to say through a motion picture. Gue hampir nggak pernah bisa.

Kalau film-film Disney gue lumayan bisa. Beauty and The Beast was about don't judge a book by its cover. Pocahontas redefined the meaning of 'stranger'. Lion King showed bravery.

Pada suatu hari gue nonton Pintu Terlarang dan yang terlintas di pikiran gue adalah: jangan punya anak.

Gue prefer baca buku sih daripada nonton. Kayaknya kalo buku yang dibaca dengan kecepatan sesuka gue, bisa gue cerna dengan lebih baik. Dan menurut gue, buku bukan cuma untuk menghibur gue.

Buku yang menghibur itu contohnya Paman Gober. Buku buat gue lebih untuk sarana berpikir, menemukan suspens, tambahan pengetahuan... Mungkin film-film yang tidak untuk menghibur juga dimaksudkan untuk pengetahuan kali ya.

Pengetahuan yang hampir selalu gagal gue tangkep.

Maybe people need to make more Disney.

layangan

2010-02-06T09:13:00.003+07:00

Gue dari dulu udah nggak suka, tapi gue diemin aja. Abis gue pikir, gue ngomong begini dan begitu, apalagi kalau nggak secara langsung, yang ada cuma debat kusir doang. Tapi gue sebel. Jadi akhirnya kalau ada temen gue yang komentar begitu gue cuma bilang: 'SIAPA SIH LO BISA BILANG ORANG LAIN ALAY? LO NGERASA KEREN?!'

Sering banget deh gue denger orang ngomong alay ini, alay itu. Oke, gue juga nggak ngerti kalo ada orang yang nulis dengan kombinasi huruf dan angka kayak gitu. Ada juga yang disingkat-singkat sampai gue nggak nangkep, ini orang mau ngomong apa ya?? Tapi yaudah sih. Dia sukanya begitu. Dan terbukti dengan bahasa seperti itu dia masih bisa komunikasi sama orang lain. Terus kenapa orang ngehina-hina sih? Nggak suka orang lain pake bahasa yang beda? Then they must hate American, French, Spanish, Italian...

Tampang begini-begitu juga dibilang alay. Ha! Rambut cat dikit dibilang: 'ih, lo kayak alay...' Berasa keren banget.

Tadinya gue pikir, istilah 'alay' itu cuma istilah keren yang digunakan orang-orang borjuis untuk bilang orang lain di luar komunitasnya 'kampungan'. Tapi beberapa hari yang lalu gue baru tau itu singkatan dari 'anak layangan'. Jahat banget!

Siapa sih yang bisa milih mau lahir dengan keluarga dengan kondisi ekonomi kayak gimana? Tampang kayak gimana? Terus kenapa kalau suka band-band macem ST12, Kangen Band, dan lain-lain? Selera orang beda-beda, kreativitas juga diturunkan beda-beda, terus kenapa harus ribut sih? Lagian si ST12 toh jauh lebih sukses daripada anak-anak yang masih merengek sama ibu-bapak buat dibeliin iPad.

Dan kenapa pula kalau suka main layang-layang? Gue merasa aneh banget hobi dan interest orang yang berbeda dengan 'orang-bukan-alay' diasosiasikan dengan layang-layang. Rata-rata temen gue waktu kecil suka main layang-layang. Sekarang aja tiba-tiba merasa terlalu keren untuk main.

Apalagi kalau yang ngomong mahasiswa. Malu kali bilang orang lain 'anak layangan'! Memang siapa lo?? *emosi jiwa*

jamie knows best

2010-01-30T20:12:00.003+07:00

For you who's searching for 'you'. Things are rough when you're twenty-something, baby!

Twenty Something - Jamie Cullum

After years of expensive education
A car full of books and anticipation
I'm an expert on Shakespeare and that's a hell of a lot
But the world don't need scholars as much as I thought

Maybe I'll go traveling for a year
Finding myself, or start a career
I could work for the poor, though I'm hungry for fame
We all seem so different but we're just the same

Maybe I'll go to the gym, so I don't get fat
Aren't things more easy, with a tight six pack
Who knows the answers, who do you trust
I can't even separate love from lust

Maybe I'll move back home and pay off my loans
Working nine to five, answering phones
But don't make me live for my Friday nights
Drinking eight pints and getting in fights

Don't wanna get up, just have a lie in
Leave me alone, I'm a twentysomething
Maybe I'll just fall in love
That could solve it all
Philosophers say that that's enough
There surely must be more

Love ain't the answer, nor is work
The truth eludes me so much it hurts
But I'm still having fun and I guess that's the key
I'm a twentysomething and I'll keep being me

All: scat
[Sung freely]
I'm a twentysomething, let me lie in
Leave me alone, I'm a twentysomething

burned

2010-01-28T23:39:00.003+07:00

Life is not something you can predict, I guess. And it's not too easy to live either. We can only assume; sometimes we're right, other times we're wrong.

There's always a surprise in every turn. Sometimes it puts a smile on our faces. Sometimes it brings a heartache.

There were times when I thought I must get what I want. I refused to fail. I refused to accept that most things in this world is just out of my reach. But then I learned to deal with broken dreams, broken promises, and broken heart. And found out that the best way to avoid disappointments is to not expect anything.

Then I thought... so what's the use of dream? If we don't expect it to come true?

I might be right. I might be wrong. I might change my mind.

I think we all do our own parts. And if there are people who don't like decisions we made, the role we played and couldn't take the situation they're in, it's not our faults. You cannot guarantee other people's happiness, you're not that strong. But you have full control of your life and how you're going to live it.

Some people play safe, risk a little and gain a little. Some people taking risk, they might lose big or win even bigger. And there's nothing wrong with both of it. It's just their ways of living a life. In the end, all we ever want is happiness.

There are people who think life is a battlefield, others think life is a playground. And maybe life is just what you picture what it should be.

morning sickness

2010-01-25T07:40:00.004+07:00

I thought I was a coffee lover. Tapi ternyata 3 gelas capuccino dalam semalam cukup membuat tidur gue nggak nyenyak dan bangun dengan kepala pusing. Over dosis kafein, sepertinya. Dan tadi gue ngeliat bayangan gue di cermin, ada lingkaran hitam di sekeliling mata gue. Duh.

Gue pengen bilang: nggak lagi-lagi deh gue ngobrol-ngobrol bareng temen-temen gue sampe pagi di malam kuliah. Tapi kayaknya if I had another chance I would do the same deh.

Menyenangkan menghabiskan waktu dengan orang-orang yang nggak memikirkan besok harus ngapain, masa depan mau gimana, kuliah apa yang diambil, lulus kapan, dan lain-lain. It's nice to wind up a little. Punya hal-hal lain untuk diobrolin selain penelitian, rancang pabrik, kuliah pilihan, yadda-yadda-yadda... We only have one life, baby! So live for today and be happy.

Dan cukup menenangkan, gue rasa, untuk tahu ada orang-orang di sekeliling lo yang bisa bilang: be yourself, you're special in every single way. Dan menyadari that you don't have to listen every word people are saying. People judge, walaupun mereka nggak pernah punya hak untuk itu. Tahu apa sih mereka tentang apa yang lo rasain, apa yang lo pikirin, kehidupan seperti apa yang lo jalanin. Ada orang yang yang bunuh diri di mall. It's not something that you should be laughing at, more less mocking at.

Di sisi lain, waktu kita punya masalah, kayaknya it's all that matter in this world. Dan selama setahun belakangan ini gue belajar kalau masalah itu sebetulnya cuma ditentukan dengan bagaimana lo bereaksi atas semua kejadian yang menimpa lo. Sering gue mengharapkan hal yang lebih, jadinya gue kecewa waktu hal itu nggak terjadi. Jadi gue pikir, bahagia itu mungkin memang ditentukan dengan sudut pandang lo.

Waktu kita kecewa dengan orang-orang terdekat kita, terus bilang: nyokap gue nggak mau ngerti gue lalalalala... Sebetulnya keenggakbahagiaan lo itu karena lo mengharapkan nyokap bisa lebih pengertian, berpikir dengan cara lo berpikir, dsb. If she's not your mother, or if you didn't expect her to do so, kekecewaan itu nggak akan ada. Lo bahagia terus.

I practically came home to an empty house. Ortu selalu berangkat pagi, pulang malem. The sisters sekolah dari pagi disusul les sampai malem juga. Gue bahkan nggak inget kapan terakhir kita liburan bareng, karena ortu gue susah cari jadwal yang match buat cuti. Me and my mother or father, even my mother and my father, didn't always get along very well. Setiap keluarga punya masalahnya masing-masing. Akhirnya cuma masalah mau apa nggak gue menerima bahwa my family isn't perfect, dan nggak semua yang gue pengen itu terwujud.

Sucks. I'm still trying to accept it. Good Lord, I just want to be happy.

skin deep

2010-01-16T18:36:00.002+07:00

Di TV bolak-balik nyiarin kasus Century. Gue yang tahun lalu mungkin ngikutin bener-bener beritanya. Tapi sekarang males. Duh, kenapa ya gue bukannya makin cerdas malah makin ignorant. Kalau kata twitter-nya Indra Herlambang: me being ignorant doesn't mean I don't love my country, I'm just protecting myself from brain damage. *yeah, sekarang gue meng-quote presenter !nsert* Kalo gue..., capek aja. *grin* Kalau nonton, gue pasti emosi. Mending gue ngurusin yang lain dan membiarkan pihak dengan otoritas berkreasi.

Jadi daripada memikirkan hal-hal yang membuat perasaan gue (halah) nggak enak, gue berfokus pada hal-hal yang membuat gue tertawa dan senang. Seperti waktu SMA. Kalau gue lagi males ke sekolah, gue akan mengingat-ingat ada hal apa nanti di sekolah yang membuat gue seneng. Mendapat kesempatan untuk pake sepatu baru, misalnya. Sekarang untuk membelokkan pikiran dari Century (yang lagi ditonton bokap di bawah), gue menonton... dum-dum-dum... Beauty and The Geek.

I'm so having mind-degradation. I was never into reality show before. Not even Running In Heels, Dhim. Gue rasa interaksi antara attractive bitches dan Star Trek dorks selalu menyenangkan untuk ditonton. Kayak Seth dan Summer di The O.C atau Dan dan Serena di Gossip Girl.

Walaupun gue rasa reality show-nya fake deh. But it's still fun to watch. :)

Happy new year!

2010-01-04T04:08:00.001+07:00

Selamat tahun baru, semua! Di tahun ini gue bertekad *halah* untuk lebih bersyukur dan positif. Yeah! Hidup Mario Teguh! Dua hal yang masih susah banget gue lakuin. Terus gue juga harus berhenti mau ini dan itu, dan lebih fokus dengan apa yang bisa gue lakuin. Kayaknya banyak pe-er gue tahun ini. Hahaha..

Eniwei, sekarang jam setengah 4 pagi. gue baru beres ngerjain tugas kuliah bagian gue. Tapi kayaknya efek kafein masih ada, belum ngantuk gue..! Terus gue tiba-tiba inget. Pas siang-siang taun baru kemarin di CNN ada liputan tahun baru live from New York. Damn..! Americans are good at partying, aren't they??

Gue jadi jatuh cinta lagi sama lagu New York, New York nya Frank Sinatra.

Pengen ke New York *ngarep* Gue nggak ngerti kok bisa temen-temen gue ke Jepang, Aussie, Inggris.., di saat gue kemarin pulang ke rumah aja tiap hari nyokap gue selalu nanya: 'Kakak, sudah belajar?? Ayo, belajar!!!' Huks.

Yah, intinya, berkaitan dengan positif, tahun baru, dan Frank Sinatra, lagu-lagunya Maliq and d'Essentials yang baru bagus ya.. Ini playlist baru gue mengawali 2010. Ihiyy.

1. Happy - Leona Lewis
2. Haven't Met You Yet - Michael Buble
3. Mata, Hati, Telinga - Maliq and d'Essentials
4. Coba Katakan - Maliq and d'Essentials
5. Even If We Did - Joanna Wang
6. Smile - Uncle Kracker
7. Just The Two of Us - Bill Withers
8. Into You - Adhitya Sofyan
9. Buses and Trains - Bachelor Girl
10. Extraordinary - Mandy Moore

Setelah gue liat-liat nggak ada yang baru jg dari playlist gue ya.. Yah, pokoknya gue seneng dengernya. It's all about new year menurut gue. Tentang nggak menyesali yang udah lalu, menghargai apa yang dimiliki sekarang, dan tersenyum memandang masa depan *ceilah* Gue harus menekan pemakaian istilah-istilah menggelikan kayak gini nih.

My iPod's playing Jamie Cullum's But For Now right now. Selalu sukses meninabobokan gue. Morning World.., I'm going to sleep now.

temporary insanity

2009-12-25T08:19:00.008+07:00

I once posted on my blog, that it's not good to forget what you experienced in life. Because that'd mean you run away from your past. But I think now, some things are better best forgotten. Well, not actually forget, perhaps more like let go and move on.

Sometimes, or often, things were not going the way you planned. Certain things were totally not yours to decide. Situation could be so difficult that no matter how hard you tried to convince yourself, you had to admit that it's impossible for you to hang on.

You're making your choices, and it must be what you thought was best at the moment. So once you did, don't look back. Things will either turn out good or bad. And if the second option happen, don't blame yourself, because you didn't have that much power to bring somebody down. They decide whether they want to be sad or happy, not you. So give them space, and take yours. They said it takes two to tango. You'd done your part, and it's enough.

You know at the end of everything, you got no one to blame. Not even yourself. Because you've learned to forgive yourself, you have learned to understand other. But sometimes you still can't take the fact that you cannot have the things you want. And you're upset, because you're just spoiled little girl who always has to get what you desire.

But you put smile on your face and play happy. Simple gesture that said: hey buddy, you didn't affect me that much. Then eventually, you'll forget. Au revoir.

Dear Jerks....

2009-12-07T09:14:00.003+07:00

You know what costumers mostly expect from you? Consistency. You know what you should earn and protect from your costumers? Trust. Because that means you appreciate all the hard work they pour into so that they could come to you, expect you to do this little thing for them so that you could make they're lives a little easier.

You could say thousand sweet words. You could spit on somebody else's work. That's okay. As long as you could prove that you could work better than those persons you despised. Because I think you're not a dumb-arrogant-son-of-a-bitch IF you really were that good. But saying lots of things to make yourself look much better then come with shitty work; that, Buddy, made you a lying-bastard. And what's your name again? Karya Agung? Andre? Viki?

I sincerely hope you'll soon find yourself in bankruptcy so that you can no longer fooling around with people who are so naively willing to trust you. Shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice.

Yours faithfully.

festive festival

2009-11-15T07:55:00.005+07:00

Sebuah festival-festivalan di Bandung...
Jumat, 13 November 2009 @ Auditorium CCF.

Oke, jadi katanya acara ini adalah festival tahunan yang diadakan oleh Classicorp Indonesia yang bertujuan mendorong musisi lokal untuk tampil di depan publik. Tahun ini tema 'Viennese' dipilih untuk memperingati 200 tahun meninggalnya Joseph Haydn. *nyontek dari program*

Sebenernya sih gue juga nggak ngerti, tema Viennese untuk tahun ini? Bukannya memang namanya Viennese Festival? Entahlah...

dinosaurusnya palsu

2009-11-07T18:50:00.008+07:00

Hasil jalan-jalan iseng gue dan Iin: mengunjungi Museum Geologi. Barengan sama anak-anak SD dan SMA.

Nggak besar ternyata ya. Only two stories museum dan di lantai duanya ada ruangan gede yang kosong. Sayang banget... Nggak ada sejam udah selesai muter-muterin semua dan foto-foto ge-je. Tapi lumayan sih, bersih, rapi, dan spacious. Dan gratis.

We Love You, Dear Earth..

2009-11-02T22:16:00.005+07:00

So... once upon a time, I did some study for my Industrial Waste Management exam. As I read further, I came to this conclusion: the end of the world is approaching, fast.

With a lot of industries going on, people and their convert-into-carbon activities, power plants, drillings... we've done nothing but added more and more glass house gases. And the process isn't reversible, you cannot convert those carbon-dioxide into gas or methane. Carbon dioxide takes approximately 100 years to be out of our atmosphere.

So even if the whole world stop doing their industrial activities and get back to the stone age, we have to wait another 100 years for green house gases to leave our atmosphere. But it's impossible, anyway. I mean, how can people live without decent clothes, good foods, televisions, phones, Google, airplanes...??

All those reuse, reduce, recycle, recovery things are just slowing down the process of ending earth's life. And that only can happen if the whole world get together and feel the same urgency to lengthen earth's life.

Couple decades ago, the biggest energy consumers had been developed countries. Now, with all the environment issues, they begun to research for much cleaner technologies. On the other hands, underdeveloped countries are now taking parts of developed countries to become biggest energy consumers. Through some stages, I believe realization will come again and those underdeveloped countries will find their way to cleaner technologies. But we still have undeveloped countries waiting in line. And who can guarantee that earth will survive until then?

I think the most effective way is to begin searching for another livable planet. Live there for couple of hundred years, destroy the planet with even higher technologies and worse pollutions, then begin to search for another planet... We all can be aliens travel around galaxy by UFO.

It's cool, Freaks.

We hide beneath the same mask

2009-10-29T20:51:00.003+07:00

Haven't you noticed? We're so much alike, that's why I can read you so easily. So much alike that maybe I'm not the one you need. Vice versa.

I love this quote. *tears*

Morning

2009-10-21T05:55:00.004+07:00

It's been long since last time I posted. Umm..., nothing's quite interesting happened. I was just done hosting a national seminar (which I was dead bored), but not really a story whatsoever. Bandung had stop raining about a week ago. Yada-yada-yada... Lame.

I'm filled with much negative aura today. Thanks to my very disturbed sleep. You've got to have a nice way of waking up, I hate to be 'banged' in such early morning. Not to mention my room is total mess. And now I'm complaining a lot in a blog.

But still... Happy morning, Everyone! They said you have to face each day with a smile plastered in your face, mind fills with happy thoughts... and your day will be livable. Have a great Wednesday!

turn the TV off

2009-09-30T22:47:00.003+07:00

It's another earth-quake. And I'm getting a little dramatic, if not conscious. Do you believe in Apocalypse? That someday the world we all know will eventually be gone? And when that day happen, will you regret the things you've done in your life? What would be the last thing on your mind? Will you finally feel relieve? Then what's the worth of tomorrow's plan, if everything ended today?

For those who survived, they'd rise again someday, somehow. But those who didn't, what happen to them? Is it cold in the place they're in now? Is it dark? And would there be someone to help them? To be a shoulder to cry on? To give a shelter to rely on?

And I'm scared, while humanity has been taken from me. Hypocrisy.

bertanya-tanya....

2009-09-19T18:49:00.002+07:00

Selagi gue menulis ini, orang-orang lagi meneropong bulan dan mensimulasikan sesuatu di laptop-laptop mereka... Yang membuat gue bertanya-tanya. Dulu pas jaman nabi gimana ya? Kan belum ada teropong, belum ada komputer... Terus gimana kalo mendung dan si hilal yang ditunggu-tunggu tetep nggak keliatan sampai Rabu depan? Hummm... Kasian juga yang mesti masak buat Lebaran. Kalo Lebarannya besok, ada yang belum nyiapin. Kalo Lebarannya Senin, ada yang udah masak. Hummm...

Just Opinion, Don't Sue!

2009-09-17T19:41:00.005+07:00

Noordin M. Top is dead. And the world cheers. How ironic that one's greatest contribution to humankind is his leaving the world forever.

While the TVs were continuously reporting the news, I red couple of news from American websites. Just curious in what they had in stock to say. Nothing much actually. MSNBC said Indonesia terror chief killed in raid, CNN said Indonesia's top terror suspect killed in raid... I know it's supposed to be an achievement for Indonesian police (especially when this institution is actually in on-going open war with another public institution), but it's sad that word Indonesia had to be in the same sentence with terrorist. This 'terror chief' was actually belonged to Malaysia. And I've stopped shopping shoes at Vincci since last year.

The negative sentiment toward Malaysia has grown rapidly nowadays. Indonesian labors in Malaysia, Manohara, Ambalat, Rasa Sayange, Tari Pendet, Reog Ponorogo, Negaraku vs Terang Bulan, Indonesia Raya........ *and long list continues* But now that I think about it, perhaps Malaysia just wants to help us out.

It's just like what they always say in campus while talking about 'kaderisasi' aka 'ospek' aka student orientation, that solidarity bounds in high pressure. Lets just admit it, if there's no such claim from Malaysia to... umm... Ambalat (??), or sadism toward Indonesian labors, or highly-disrespectful joke toward Indonesian national anthem, there might never be Indonesian solidarity like Indonesia Unite. Terang Bulan might never be so popular. Kids might never be able to see Tari Pendet or Reog Ponorogo on TV. Yey! Thank you, Malaysia!

My dad once said, "Maybe there's outlandish intelligent trying to ignite war between Indonesia and Malaysia."

Well, I won't speculate on that. But I do think everything has two sides of stories. I just red a friend's post on Facebook that before Indonesia Raya, Malaysia's own national anthem was being disgraced by people who claimed as Indonesians. If it's true, then it's not-so-wise-but-just-natural reaction from Malaysian to do the same with Indonesian national anthem. While the labor-issue..., well it is against humanity, but let's face it. Even more labors are treated badly in those Middle East countries. We should be consistent, if we're really care about the fates of Indonesian labors abroad and not just being reactive toward provocations.

Between you and me, I think Malaysia is trying to compete with Singapore as a transit place for international boarding. Putting Reog and its friends on their websites, then when tourists ask about them they'll simply say: "Oh, it's in Indonesia... not far from here. You can take ferry or flight." Watch it, S'pore!

Doesn't mean that I will buy anything from Vincci again, though. Their products are just totally lame. Quality control, please...

note: I start writing perezhilton-style. Not good.

Hail To The Twitter

2009-09-15T16:55:00.007+07:00

I've never been a fan of Twitter. Hell, I didn't even know the use of it until a couple hours ago.

My daylight activities during Lebaran break revolve around perezhilton.com and YouTube. I was supposed to work on my projects, earning some money to pay the bills... Instead I watched a video where Kanye insanely went up to the stage and cut Taylor out during her acceptance speech at VMA. Then one thing led to another and I found myself surfing on perezhilton.com and reading celebrity tweet.

Well, at least Twitter boosted my knowledge. Now I know why they call Paula a crybaby. *run*

Future On Hold

2009-09-03T19:47:00.004+07:00

If anyone asks me what I desire most in this world, that would be to live happily ever after. But then, it turns out that life isn't that easy. I have to think about other things that I have to desire. Like what I want to be. Professionally.

Lately it seems like most of my friends are beginning to set the paths they want to step in. Some of them are thinking about multinational-company they want to work at, some are preparing for further studies, some are getting married (okay, I made this up)...

That's like a slap in the face. I have no idea of what I'm going to do after graduation. Fortunately, I still have at least a year to figure that out.

I always believe that everyone was born with her/his own true calling. Yea..., I know it sounds cliche. I think everyone was born for reason. And the reason is that so-called-calling.

I mean, we all born different. Anyone can search this whole world for someone like me, and they would always find the second best of me. Not because I'm perfect, but because I am me. Nobody can be a better version of me but myself..., right?

So then I think, life isn't about competition. Because we're all special and have our own unique way to make contributions. And money will come afterward; its only a logical consequences of us working. Great works are those that contribute greatly to mankind, anyway.

Each one of us has a part in order to make this world a good place for living. Each has his/her true calling. I don't what happens in this world. Those who has no empathy become doctors. Those who love acting become engineers. Those who are after money become lawyers. Those who have no idea about rightness become journalists. What happen to dreams? To contributions?

Back to decide what I'm going to do... I'm trying so hard to make the whoever-who-do-the-call calling me.

Pleaaaase...??

hopelessly addicted

2009-08-26T21:24:00.009+07:00

I like this song so very much that I've repeated it over and over again. Yea..., I know it's old. But this song kind of made me happy every time I listened to it. Odd. Never mind.

Hopelessly Addicted - The Corrs

evaluation

2009-08-21T21:42:00.008+07:00

It'd been raining all morning and I dove my way back beneath the blanket. I used to love rain, but the humid weather and a cloudy heart was just too much.

To say that I wasn't expecting this to happen would be a lie. And I knew it was partly my fault. Because I failed to do what I was expected.

But still I wondered why. Was that because you and I were not as close as we're supposed to? Or because you didn't like me that much? Or maybe because you picked something else above me?

Well, if that's the case, then did that mean I did something wrong? Or simply never been good enough?

Then tell me where did I go wrong. Be mad at me.

You should tell me because I wasn't mind reader. You should criticize me because that would make us better. Don't give me sweet words or blame yourself for mistakes you did not do.

I had never been perfect and neither had you. But we're in this together to be better. So speak your mind and confront me if you have to. Anything but this silence of thin air.

Gue Si Penasehat

2009-08-14T13:01:00.006+07:00

Kan sebetulnya gue nulis blog dengan bahasa Inggris karena nyokap gue bilang: 'Kakak, bahasa inggris kamu kok jadi jelek sih? itu lah..., kamu nggak pernah pake sih.' Jadi kan ceritanya gue menggunakan tuh. Tapi kemarin nyokap gue bilang: 'Kakak, bahasa inggris kamu kok jelek sih...'

Sebel kan gue. Yaudah. Gue tetep pake bahasa Indonesia. Mau 17 Agustus-an juga. *nggak nyambung*

Eniwei..., tadi siang kan gue iseng-iseng nyalain TV. Lalu gue nonton reportase siang (abis nonton Insert soalnya >.<). Nah, videonya Marshanda jadi headline aja dong... Penting banget nggak sih. Trus lebih penting lagi gue mencari videonya di Youtube.

Menit-menit pertama gue cuma nonton dia maninin her silicon cased Blackberry dengan backsound lagu Angel-nya Sarah McLachlan.

Trus pas lagunya udah mau abis dan disusul lagu Blackbird, si Caca ini kan ngomong-ngomong blablabla... gitu. Pake kata 'lo jangan gini gitu'... Trus komen-komennya videonya bilang kayak: 'jangan sok nasehatin' dsb. Nah lo.

Gue bingungnya, karna gue kok nggak ngerasa si Caca *aih.., sok kenal* ini lagi nasehatin ya? Iya sih dia bilang 'cari cita-cita, jangan cari duit' atau 'cari temen boleh, tapi jangan lebay'. Tapi gue ngerasanya itu dia bilang karena dia selama ini cari uang, bukan ngelakuin apa yang bener-bener dia mau. Terus mungkin dia tipe people pleaser yang takut bakal nggak disukain kalo jadi dirinya sendiri. Mungkin dia ngomong gitu untuk dirinya sendiri?

Ih, gue tau gue aneh. Tapi gue juga suka nulis di blog dengan kata 'you', dan gue nggak berniat untuk nasehatin yang baca blog gue. It's just way to express my thought, and it's almost like talking to myself.

Gue nggak belain Marshanda. Hell no. Gue nggak tau juga itu public stunt kah. Setelah Manohara dan Dewi Persik, gue rasa artis melakukan apa aja untuk tetep terkenal. Meskipun terkenal karena gila. Liat Courtney Love. Gue cuma meng-compare caranya ngomong dan cara gue menulis. Soalnya pas gue baca 'sok nasehatin' itu gue jadi kayak: apa gue juga terkesan menasehati ya??

Yah..., akhirnya itu balik lagi ke cara orang berkomunikasi yang beda-beda. Mungkin.

Because We're All Born Perfect Anyway

2009-08-10T08:21:00.006+07:00

Last Saturday I watched that so-called four fingered pianist. Well, I have to say that if you went to that show to watch a piano recital, perhaps you'd be a little disappointed. Because it was so not about piano performance. Instead, it was more like motivation training.

You see, this Hee Ah Lee was born with Lobster Claw syndrome. Meaning, she only has two fingers each hand and her legs end about the knees. At first, I thought she was too exposed by her 'imperfection', like Manohara. But then as I remembered the tagline of this show: Dream The Impossible Dream, I realized that it was necessary to mention her 'decays' to show how strong she actually is.

Her performances was poor IF she's a normal pianist with complete sets of fingers. Too many skipping notes and quite messy tempo. It wasn't Fantaisie Impromptu or Hungarian Dance as you usually heard.

Nonetheless, this was a good show.

There's this video about her life and how she managed to be what she is now. I was crying even before she got on stage. You could see her struggle and belief, and really got carried away with her story. And she's really nice and naive and sweet and always smiled. Looks like she's always happy no matter what.

She's a living proof that you can reach even the unreachable star. I mean, playing classical repertoire is already difficult as it is. I can barely imagine how hard she'd worked on that to be able to perform the way she had (she said she practiced 10 hours a day. No kidding!).

If you can have the best, why doing for the less? Feel free to dream the most impossible dream.

Me, with brand new shoes >.<

It's Been A While...

2009-08-04T13:47:00.003+07:00

I'm not really in the mood for doing anything recently. Hahahaha... I've bought like ten books during this semester break and succeed to finish only one. I was supposed to practice three movements of a piano sonata and only manage to play one. Even last time I went for shopping-shoes with my mom and sister, I only bought one pair. I guess I'm really into the number 'one' these days.

Anyway..., we're working on one project right now: Boulevard's new issue will be out on mid-August. Hopefully it will be ready by this weekend.

It has to be.

My dad has already bought tickets for Hee Ah Lee's piano recital this Saturday. Can you believe she only has four fingers and no-legs-only-knees?? Well, I guess you can't beat talents. I mean, even Beethoven wrote symphonies and orchestras even when he's deaf.

I always envy those who really know where they belong. I mean, isn't that scary, when you only has four fingers, you want to play that Schubert's repertoir so very much? Then you decide to perform in front of audiences who will mercilessly judge you? Isn't it scary to catch a dream, that people thought, is impossible for you to reach?

Where does she get such strength? Maybe the answer is like one in those fairy tales, by believing in it.

I think they're rare, those moments when you really hear what your heart wants to say. So when you do, I think you should go for it. Or else you'll be sorry.

Engiconomy

2009-07-14T11:00:00.004+07:00

I just read an article written by Faisal Basri on Kompasiana under title Pak Boed yang Saya Kenal and also its comments from readers. I came to conclusion that politic only gives me more headache. Dwelling with your own idealism, trying so much to understand why people think the way they do, definitely tiring.

Most likely I was wrong. When the issue of neo-liberalism versus that-so-called-ekonomi-kerakyatan first arose, I was thinking, wasn't it ekonomi Pancasila that I'd been taught Indonesia did, in my PPKn class in Junior High Shcool? I remember they were four: liberal, communist, kerakyatan, and Pancasila. Three of them (liberal, communist, kerakyatan) have long definitions, but ekonomi Pancasila was define only by (plus-minus) 'taking advantage from liberal and communist economic system'. I don't know. Most of all, I don't care. I mean, they're just ways, theories.

In engineering, we are taught to define the goal first. In this case, most probably the goal is for each and every people to be able to fulfill their basic needs. Next step is to define the situation. Then to define best ways to handle situation so that the main goal can be reached. Then optimizing to find even better solution. Then execute the plan.

So for me it doesn't matter if it's liberal or communist or socialist or whatever system we hold as long as it can efficiently fulfill the supreme goal. Or maybe we can even make new system, shoetish-system or whatever. Making our own theories, ways, journals, shoes...

This holy crap about neo-liberalism and ekonomi kerakyatan issue, in my opinion, is just unimportant.

just not my day

2009-06-27T20:24:00.003+07:00

Living a life is like learning how to drive. You've got to have confidence to move forward and watch what's right in front of you. You can't constantly look behind nor think about what would lie ten miles ahead.

(Devy, who had just crashed her car onto a pick up)

Best Mistake I've Ever Made

2009-06-21T00:30:00.004+07:00

I was trying to sleep. On my bed, eyes closed, ready for slumber to take me in. But..., it didn't. And while I was figuring out why the hell I couldn't sleep (just then I remember I should've not had coffee in the evening), something just came up.

It's always been like that, some thoughts usually just come popping in my head at most unexpected time. Anyway, I was thinking about thing they call 'mistake'.

In making decision, especially important ones, we usually think so hard about it. When it doesn't feel right we think and think and think again until it does. And if it still doesn't, we just pick one, close our eyes and hope it's the right thing to do. If I should pick between off-white ballet shoes and those back-on-trend oxford pumps, that would be hard. The ballet shoes certainly more useful for I can wear it daily and I'd been wanting those since first time I saw them on Elle. While the pumps... I don't do clubbing and if I wear those shoes on special occasion like wedding reception I will be taller than like 3/4 of entire guests. But those oxfords was super-gorgeous, I think I was going to faint when I first saw it. This was when common sense and lust battling against each other.

I already think over and over and over... and still haven't decide if 'think too much' is ever exist. I think the right words are more like 'worry too much'. I mean, even Einstein say 'learn from yesterday, hope for tomorrow, and live for today'. I'm certain Einstein did that thinking thing more frequently than the rest of us. So I don't see there's connection between 'think too much' and not be able to live for now. But it's normal that when we're about to make decision, we're being haunt by fear 'what if what I was going to do was a mistake after all?'.

Well, in the case of shopping, either shoes I bought, there's possibility that I would've regret it later. Sebastian in Little Mermaid once said (or sang) 'the seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake'. It's not only talking about what you have and what other has. But also, talking about your real life and your what-if life. It's the basic character of every people, I guess, never being content of what we already have. When we're living this life, and at some point it didn't turn out okay, we would wonder what if that day we chose the other side of the road.

But accident just happens either on the right or the left side. Even when we drive safe, so be sure to put on your seatbelt. Then again, if it's already the time, you would still die even when you're wearing it.

I think mistake is not a mistake if we succeed to learn from it, so we won't make the same mistake twice. I learned that, hard way. It might sound cliche, but the storm does leave me stronger. So whichever path you choose, accept it. If it's right, cherish it. If it's wrong, learn from it. In the end, I'm sure we're all going to be just fine.

It's All 'Bout The Money

2009-06-18T16:30:00.004+07:00

I was blog-walking on my friends' when I saw this quote in Adri's: "Money: if you can use, it's your slave; if you can't, it's your master." (from Old Roman proverb at a tablet found in Verona). My Mom definitely should read this when she complains about my shoppings.

Super Mom

2009-06-15T19:15:00.006+07:00

Yeah..., I know it sounds like an elementary student's essay. But really, I just realized how full of energy my mom is. I mean, she's a working mother. She's home by six, then does her prayer, then cooks for diner (her spoiled children never eat the same meal twice a day), then takes her shower, then prepares my dad's diner (her spoiled husband doesn't eat her children's favorite meal), then does whatever-it-is with her take home work. Then in the morning, she's still the one who gets up first. Then wakes the rest household up. How she can manage to do it all still amazes me.

all I want is everything

2009-06-11T07:17:00.011+07:00

I've been wondering for days of why Chuck Bass was like... so hard-headed in admitting his feelings toward Blair Waldorf. I mean, I know that he never felt love toward anyone and that she was his first love. *jeez..., I can't believe I wrote something so cliche* But I still didn't get it, why? Wasn't he supposed to feel grateful for finding such thing as to love and be loved?

Then this morning, something came into my mind. Anonymous quotation said: why is the one who can stop you from crying, is the one that is making you cry? Then I think, based on experience, the closer someone is to your heart, the easier can they break you down. Like once, when I was younger, my mother was like... freaking out on me. Then I would've hid in the closet and cried. Eventually I came out, because it's like... dark and and hard to breath in there. But the point is I love her so dearly that when she hurt me even if it's unintentionally, I would break.

Chuck Bass had been hurt too many times in his pathetic life. Losing his mother after she gave birth to him, losing his father after Chuck finally found out that he actually loved his son, losing his best friend for sleeping with Blair (aka his best friend's girlfriend)... So perhaps, the insecurity he held inside was enough to make him push Blair out of his life. By letting Blair into his heart meant he was giving Blair more power to break him. Hahaha... I should've taken psychology instead of engineering.

At the very last episode he came back to her, though. Good for him. I mean, wasn't stupid for two people who loved each other, instead of cherishing what they had, all they did was pushing each other away? They just did too much drama. But hey, that's what made Gossip Girl... quiet interesting.*wink, wink*

Blue Rabbit

2009-06-08T20:37:00.006+07:00

It had been raining for about an hour now. The blue rabbit was hiding in an empty hole. She's far from home, trapped by the rain. But strange enough, for once, she didn't mind it. Perhaps it's for the better. Now she could think. About the weather, about the green grass of August, about life.

She had been living in the same forest for as long as she could remember. She had grown playing with the deers and squirrels, jumping and trying to catch butterflies that flied over the flower bed. Everything was perfect here, but she knew better. She didn't tell anyone, but unlike those luckless mermaids who had never gotten a chance to step on the shore, she had went outside the security of the mother forest, couple of times.

She would never tell a soul how she could be there. But the world outside the forest was beautiful, but in the different kind of beauty. Instead of the fresh air of woods, it smelled like an awful mix of carbon, perfume, meats, and... practically everything. Instead of the warmth of the sun that went through the leaves of trees, it was the hot direct sunlight that almost burned her little uncovered skin on the tip of her long ears. But yet, she stood still. Too startled by the whole new environment around her.

Then she saw him. A little boy looking so charming in his white polo and casual knee-length jeans. "Blue rabbit..." he murmured. "I've never seen one like this before..."

The boy picked her up and brought her to his house. There, he immediately put her on the kitchen table and opened the refrigerator. He pulled out a carrot, sliced it into a few sticks and gave it to the blue rabbit. Hesitantly, she picked the carrot from his palm and began to chew. It tasted weird, not like ones she'd used to consume. But she swallowed it anyway. She's starving.

She looked up to the boy. The boy looked back at her. He smiled. And the blue rabbit returned his smile shyly. The boy, of course, didn't know this.

The boy played with her for a while on the garden. Then, his mother called. It's time for dinner. The sun has set for a while now. The boy patted blue rabbit's head and walked toward the house.

Blue rabbit was left alone in the garden. She didn't understand why the boy suddenly turned his back on her. She's very sad. She thought the boy wanted to play with her.

Blue rabbit looked around her, suddenly realized that she's alone, far away from home. She began to feel afraid. But she couldn't cry. She felt numb. Blue rabbit jumped to who-knew-where. She only stopped when she's already far away from the boy's house too. Now she's more terrified than ever. She wanted to go back there but she didn't know where she was. Fortunately mother rabbit came. Blue rabbit didn't know how mother rabbit could be there and in perfect timing too. But she did. Mother rabbit scolded blue rabbit, but she's much more worried than mad. Mother rabbit then escorted her daughter back to the forest.

Blue rabbit was sad. She kept thinking about the little boy and why he stopped playing with her. She didn't even like to chase the flying butterflies anymore, even when they're only a paw away from her.

One day, a yellow-black stripes honey bee came near blue rabbit and asked her what's wrong. Blue rabbit told the honey bee about the boy and honey bee said, "Maybe something happened to his brother?"

The rabbit tilted her head. "His brother?"

"Yes. When my brother was sick, I had to take care of him and spent almost all day in his chamber."

"Do you think his brother was sick?"

"I don't know... That day, why didn't you wait for him and ask him?"

The blue rabbit went silent. Was she afraid to know?

Days had gone slow for the rabbit. But yet, she managed to find her smile again. Mother rabbit had said to her, what's done is done. She could do better in the future. Don't you allow yourself to keep dwelling on your past, Blue...

Blue rabbit found herself in the outside of the forest, again. What made her here, she couldn't remember. She just felt like doing it and there she was. The sun almost rose on the horizon, giving gold shimmers on across the tall walls, the big road, and few people's heads. Blue rabbit sighed in awe. This place outside the forest, no matter how bad it smelled, always held certain fascination for blue rabbit.

As the sun crawled higher, the crowd of people increased. But people didn't seem to pay attention to blue rabbit, until it was noon. A girl with pony tail came toward the rabbit, interested with her soft blue fur. This girl was still wearing her plaid elementary school uniform and her Snoopy bag pack.

"Whoaa..." the girl said excitedly and then giggled. She took blue rabbit to her arms and softly caressed her fur. "I've never seen a blue rabbit before. I should tell my mother."

The girl ran toward her house with blue rabbit in her arms. The rabbit could hear the girl's beating heart and feel her strains of hair softly tickled blue rabbit's nose. The girl took her inside the house and show blue rabbit to her mother. "Itsn't it beautiful Mommy? I've never seen a blue rabbit!"

Her mother also looked at the blue rabbit in disbelief. "Me neither, Sweetheart... Me neither..."

Blue rabbit immediately made friends with the girl. The girl would spare a nice bit of her muffin for blue rabbit, allowed blue rabbit to sleep on her bed for a while, and laughed when blue rabbit played with her mother's knitting ball. That day was going fast, the sun had set and it's time for goodbye.

The girl put blue rabbit on the grass of her garden and said, "You know blue? Mommy doesn't want me to take you. She said I'm not allowed to take a pet because they always died. I didn't want them to be dead, but they do. Mommy said they all went to heaven. But I didn't want you to be dead also." By that, the girl left blue rabbit and went back into her home.

This time, blue rabbit knew that the girl had let her go. But still, every afternoon blue rabbit would go from her home deep in the forest to seek for the girl. And as always, the girl would wait for her in front of the door house, as patient as one little girl could do. The little girl would fed her, played with her, and told her stories.

One day, the blue rabbit was snuggling onto the girl's lap. While the little hand of the girl caressed her fur. Then the girl said, "Is it okay, dear Blue? If I take you for a while? I really want to adopt you, you know? I want something worth remembering, even if you have to die like the rest of my now-in-heaven pets. But I don't know... Mommy said, I will only hurt myself more."

Blue rabbit was wiser now, she'd really love for the girl to understand what she's trying to say. Don't fly if you're going to fall. It's stupid. It doesn't matter how beautiful the view, the hurt from the fall will erase everything. But go on and fly, as free as it can be. To land on the branch, as impossible as it might seem. Gracefully, with the one you love truly. You deserve something that will last.

Been There, Done That

2009-06-08T16:33:00.005+07:00

It's done. It's a wrap. It's... over, baby! My Final Research Project I finally came to an end. After spent an entire evening searching for an outfit *huh??* me and my partner eventually made it through the heartache and tears during the making of this project.

*Some picture taken after the seminars. Hey, we're girls anyway... *wink*

Living a Life

2009-06-05T23:25:00.006+07:00

I just noticed that they don't put out dates in this template. How am I supposed to know when did I write these things??? But I'm too lazy anyway, to pick up new template and everything. So I'll just keep this they way it is.

I watched The Clique a while ago. Yes, that movie with 12-years-old-girls and their Balenciaga bags and Prada shoes. That was a piece of junk, for sure. Damn. I can't believe I had passed my junior high school long time ago, then high school, and now in college. Does the time ever get a rest?? I mean, I didn't even get sufficient time for being mean and inconsiderate.

As I look back on things I'd done in my past, I think I'd been a too-good-girl. I never stabbed anyone behind their backs, I never made friends to anyone just to fit in, I never classified anyone based on their parents' wealth or clothes they wear. Gossiping is normal and totally not a crime, so that doesn't count. See? I was a good girl, and I still am. But being a bitch now seems like fun. Hahahaha... I just wish I had took as many chances as possible, made as many 'little' mistakes as possible. I mean, I was young, it's my right to do the wrongs.

As people get older, they not only get more responsibilities, but recognitions as well. I am way too wise now, to start a war with some girls just because I don't like the way they dress, the way they walk, or the way hold their purses. I also am way too graceful to make an exhibition of myself on Facebook or Twitter. And way too aware to constantly talking about sales, latest trends, dream shoes, idols, Mischa Barton, Adam Broody, Paris Hilton... I have no time for regular shoppings and The O.C is like oh-so-last-decade. Even when I watch GossipGirl, I feel like: duh. I mean, they're like in high school and all 17-years-old. And here I am feeling so totally more mature in my 20.

Well, I guess every stage of life has its own excitement. I just have to cherish the time I have and make the most of it.

Positive

2009-06-05T06:41:00.009+07:00

I was watching when US president, Barack Obama, gave a speech at Cairo University, Egypt. I just realized that he's really good at speeching. I mean, his body language told people that he was confident, strong, yet warm at the same time. I think he'd really gotten people's attention and sympathy by showing them appreciation.

He greeted them by saying 'assalamu'alaikum'. That word let the audience know that he respected Muslims and he knew them well not to say 'warrahmatullahi wabarakatu' for he's Christian anyway. Also, he showed them deep knowledge about Islamic history and kept saying that American and Islam were not enemies. He said things like Morocco was the first country who recognized US independence, first Muslim's congressman in US, Thomas Jefferson kept Quran in his study, similarities of Moses, Jesus, and Muhammad, and so on.

I really like the way he spoke, as if he really believed that eventually we could live at peace together. He did not focus of what we must prevent or fight against, he focused of doing what we can to get what we want. He's sooooo like people in book The Secret. I remember a quote Mother Theresa said, "If you want me to march against war, that I will not do. But if you ask me to march for peace, then count me in." That, I think, what the world really needs.

It's easier to have in mind what we don't want. Like, I don't want to study, I don't want to get fat, I don't want him, I don't want bla-bla-bla... But if you don't want to study then what you want? If you don't want to get fat then what you want? And what's the definition of fat anyway?

For me, it's better to set a goal I want to achieve, rather than to be frightened by absurd things. I want to be able to play Beethoven's Pathetique, that I do even if I have to beat myself out by playing piano 3-4 hours a day. Kept repeating the same partition and those fingers-exercises over and over again. The problem is, sometimes we just don't know what we want.

Perhaps, once in while, we need to stop doing what we were doing. Really take a good look on things we have done, really feel the rightness, passion, and compassion. Then maybe, we can really learn from yesterday, hope for tomorrow, and live for today.

Happy morning, Everyone.

Test

2009-06-03T09:13:00.000+07:00

at the library by mocchii_basi featuring Coach bags

So It Began

2009-06-03T01:18:00.000+07:00

Well, I've never been good in saying something like prelude. So this is it. My brand new blog. I guess I won't be writing on the old one anymore. It took me like forever just to decide the template. And... here it is, as you see.

Anyway, now is like 2.14 AM. I'm still awake. Partly because... well I'm sort of in my semester break and just like any college student who's having a break, I spent my day in all the glory of laziness I have within. Meaning: didn't do anything but playing piano, IM-ing, watching DVDs... Anyway, as I'm writing this, I think I heard someone press the tuts of MY piano outside my room. And I heard a sound as if someone tried to close the piano. Me and my sisters have a bad habit when it comes to that, we never bother to close the piano.

This is quiet scary. I want to go outside and take a leak, but I figure I can wait until morning when everyone is up. Then I look at the door of my room, I realize I haven't closed it properly. Well, my dad haven't closed it properly after saying goodnight. And I am too scared even to close the door. Well, I figure if this whatever-thing even bother to close the piano, 'it' can do with my door as well. That's if I'm not just imagining things. It's pretty late now. So well, perhaps I AM imagining thing.