I once truly believed that one should not make other as the center of one's life. That one should not make other as one's reason to do everything. That one should not make other as one's final achievement.
Because things change. People change.
What if you're trying to succeed just to impress this girl, then you soon find her cheating on you? Doesn't all the achievement mean nothing now that you don't have any reason to keep going? What if you depend completely on your partner and then one day he's gone? Doesn't the world feel like it's ending? That you are entirely completely hopelessly alone now that you're losing your once solid ground?
Then this conversation occured.
When I told this guy about those, he said: What about soul mate then? If I love someone so dearly and she cheated on me, there must be something wrong about my judgement. If I love someone so dearly and she's gone, then I will be broken. But that's not going to stop me from giving her all I can, because she'll be my everything.
What he said to me had shaken up my whole point of view about my relationship with other people, though. I was never an all-out girl. There's something in the back of my mind that stops me from giving it all. I think the word is pride. I can hear J.Lo singing 'all my pride is all I have...' already. But probably it's just fear.
Strange thing about love is the more you give the happier you are. Love is something you feel inside, the ones you love can only feel love that is radiating from you. So if you want love, start loving. Love this morning, love your family, love your friends. Love them completely. Their love for you is their feelings. But the feeling when you're fallling in love, when you're hugging a friend, when you're watching TV with your family is truly yours. Love never hurts as no one really dies of a broken heart.
He must be shaking his head if he read this, thinking: hey, that's not my idea of love at all! Well, I kind of processing people's thoughts and ideas and sometimes come up with agreement or denial or whole different meaning.
I still believe that one should not make other as the center of one's life. That one should not make other as one's reason to do everything. That one should not make other as one's final achievement.
Because I think there's more to live.
What about soul mate, you say? Err... I don't know. Yes, some say you're not quite your whole self before you find your other half. But there are many, men and women, who'd rather spend their life without a spouse or even partner. And they're calm and happy. You still think they can not fly without the other wing? Because I know lots of people who fly on their own. Like mother Theresa. Or Isa (Jesus). Or my Aunt.
Indah said: It's not fair that you can only be yourself within the precence of someone else. Soul mate is what comes from inside you. Your personal achievement. Like Darwin and his theories. Like Newton and his apple.
(You see? I'm surrounded by great people and great books. And now as I'm writing down in my laptop, eating Happy Toss and sipping cappuccino, I can see great morning outside my window. Right here, right now, life is a bliss.)
Anyway, the problem about the word soulmate is that everyone seems to have their own definitions, and everyone claims that theirs are the right ones.
Lately I've been carrying novel Eat Pray Love like a devoted nun treats the bible. And here's its (or rather, Richard from Texas') definition of soulmate:
People think soulmate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important people you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with one? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it.
My mom said that when he married my dad, she wasn't sure that she loves him (despite their 5 years in relationship). She just went with the flow and when it's time they should be married, they just did. And one thing that crossed my mind when she told me this was: 'Emak gue nggak romantis.'
But hey, would it be matter? They're still going strong until now. They still do all the lovey dovey things. They still respect each other. They still complain and grumble about each other, of course, but very rarely be mad. My dad adores my mom, and she is devoted to him. And I bet if I ask her is he her soul mate she would go with: I don't know, what is soul mate anyway?
Perhaps soul mate is just something people make up to assure themselves that they will not have to spend a lifetime being alone.
Perhaps, like a faint voice that is always bugging me for quite some time now, soulmate is the presence of God within you?
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